Levi vs Offspring
by stepintothefantasy
Summary: Despite how scary and intimidating he looks (and is), Levi makes a great father...at times. Various one-shots and drabbles about Levi and his young son, Noah (OC).
1. Feeding time

**Author's Notes: Levi vs offspring would be set in a modern AU where Levi is not at risk of being eaten by a giant naked cannibal humanoid.**

I don't own Shingeki no Kyojin.

Edit 07/2014: I've renamed this chapter, except for that it's still the same.

* * *

**Feeding time**

"Oh come on, will you hurry up and eat already you stupid kid," Levi grunted as he watched the little toddler in front of him spit out his food for the umpteenth time. He had been trying to feed his son for the past twenty minutes without success as the child refuses to swallow the mashed up orange goop. Looking at it though he can see why, it looked slimy and gooey and just vile, but that still wasn't an excuse to not eat it.

Levi sighed and moved his chair closer to the child and began glaring at him with a spoonful of the pulp held in front of its mouth, hoping he could mentally get him to eat it. His wife was going to kill him if she came home and found out that their child still hadn't ate, and boy was she scary when she gets mad.

"Noah, for both our sakes please eat!" Levi begged, only to be rewarded with a grumpy face from his mini doppelganger. Noah brought up his hand and vaguely pointed to Levi who just said "no" as if reading his mind. "I'm not eating your shitty baby food," he said as the child continued pointing at his father.

"Fine! If it will make you eat, then I'll do it," Levi gave a defeated sigh after a while. He took a small spoonful of the food and brought it to his mouth all the while being carefully watched by Noah who had a smile on his chubby little face.

_'I've been beaten by a child, and he isn't even one!'_ Levi cursed and ate the sweet potato mash.

"This stuff's not actually bad," he regretted to inform as he took a bigger spoonful and gave it to the infant, who willingly ate it.

Noah's co-operation didn't last long though; he refused to eat any more until Levi had some and while Levi didn't want to eat any more food made for a five month old he also didn't have the time to be trying to feed the stubborn child, so the two began to take it in turns to eat.

Levi was in the middle of eating his spoonful when the door opened and his wife walked in.

"Levi, what are you doing?" she asked the man who still had an airplane shaped spoon stuck in his mouth.

"I'm feeding the baby of course!" he retorted through his stuffed mouth, keeping his face impassive as usual.

"Um yeah... it kind of looks like your feeding yourself," she replied sarcastically, trying not to giggle at the adorable scene in front of her.

"Shut up, it was the only way I could get the brat to eat," he continued feeding Noah "and plus it tastes alright," he added quietly.

"Oh really, well I'll be sure to make extra for you as well then shall I?" she came over and kissed him on his cheek before kissing her sons forehead.

"If you want" he faintly replied earning a chuckle from her.


	2. The supermarket run

I don't own Shingeki no Kyojin

* * *

**The Supermarket run**

Tiny little feet on tiny little legs carrying a tiny little person, resonated on the cold tiled floor as a small figure ran through aisle after aisle in a blur of what looked like a ball of lightning. Oh and Noah was there too, but he was running away from the lightning ball that was chasing after him.

"GET BACK HERE YOU STUPID BRAT!" Levi practically growled.

"Noo!" Noah screamed back, running as fast as his little chubby legs could carry him.

What had started off as a quick trip to the supermarket, had turned into a hot pursuit of a hyper, deranged toddler.

'_ALL OF THIS, FOR A FUCKING POTATO!'_ Levi mentally cursed, as he went around the corner sliding into the bread aisle. _'Why didn't I just let him have the damn thing?' _Levi groaned, the shopping trip had been blown way out of proportion when Noah insisted he "needed" a potato friend and was refused.

"You can make friends with the potatoes we have at home!" he was told. But that didn't work. He just got grumpy, kicked Levi's shin, took his keys and sprinted off.

Having chased him down five aisles now the gap between the two had started closing as Levi, the obvious faster runner, managed to catch up to the little runaway - who was in for a world of pain.

Levi was just a couple of feet behind him now when he noticed that the kid's shoes were undone.

'_This isn't good. The moron's going to fall.' _

And as if on cue, SPLAT!

The child fell flat on his stomach as Levi sighed and slowly walked up to him, face impassive as ever.

Noah quickly sat up; his right cheek had a large red cut on it from where the keys had scraped him, his big grey eyes were clouded with water, the tears just threatening to spill out.

"Oi kid, don't cry," Levi said as he crouched down to the boy's eye level.

'_And of course that doesn't work' _he thought as the water works started. He picked up the crying child and wiped his nose and eyes with some tissues that he always carried – Levi was just always prepared.

"There there. It's just a little cut it'll be OK," he tried comforting.

"I sorrrrry," cried the child, still sniveling as he clung to his father's shirt and buried his face into his chest.

"It's OK, now stop being such a big baby," Levi quietly said in a soothing voice.

Holding his son in his arms, Levi scanned the aisle for people from the corner of his eyes and once the coast was clear, placed a gentle kiss on the youngster's forehead.

"Alright come on, let's go get some ice cream," Levi said to the sniffling boy whose eyes light up at the sudden mention of 'ice cream'.

Noah made a mental note that day: if you want daddy to get you ice cream, just fall over and cry.

Oh how he was going to abuse this information!


	3. Learning to fly

**A/N: **Please don't try this at home.

* * *

**Learning to fly**

Why was a three year old tying several balloons to a sleeping Levi, you ask? The same reason he spent all of last week on his father's shoulders pulling and tugging his hair, trying to control him and make him cook!

He had watched a movie. And decided that he needed to become a gifted culinary rat who manipulates people using their hair or in this case an old man trying to move his house with hundreds of balloons. But since he had no intention of wanting to move his house he settled for his father, who was looking particularly adorable resting on the garden swing.

Noah had spent the past thirty minutes running in and out of the house getting his mum to blow up balloons before he came sprinting out and tying them to the slumbering midget. She didn't know why he needed twenty-five balloons; she just assumed Levi and Noah were playing.

Once he had finished attaching as many balloons as possible (or as many as his mother could make before she fainted), Noah climbed up onto his father, seating himself on his stomach. When he realised he wasn't moving he starting lightly jumping and pulling at his arms.

"Ugh," Levi groaned as he started waking up. He tried to rub his eyes but found he couldn't move because _**somebody was sitting on him.**_

"Brat what are you doing," he asked groggily.

"I'm making you fly," he replied.

"What?" Levi was confused and dazed from his nap.

"In Up, they flew with lots of balloons!"

Levi just sighed as he sat up moving his son so that he was sitting in-between his legs. All the balloons that were "attached" to him fell to the ground, creating a vomit of colours, cos when a three year old "ties" something, it means "wrap several times until it looks secure".

After inspecting one of the balloons Levi turned to the youngster whose mouth fell open - all that hard work for nothing.

"Noah it's not going to work."

"Huh? Why not?" he sulked

"Because these are filled with air, balloons don't float unless they're filled with helium."

"Ohhh," he moaned.

"Do we have any?" a little ounce of hope filled his eyes.

Levi shook his head as the little boy went back to his state of depression, "I really wanted to fly."

Levi put his hand on top of Noah's head trying to console him and looked around the garden, his eyes almost flashed when the large cherry tree in the corner caught his attention.

"Come on kid, I got an idea," picking him up by the shoulders and putting him on the ground before heading inside to get some equipment.

* * *

"Will you hold still? This isn't going to work if you keep squirming," Levi was getting frustrated; the kid just doesn't stop moving.

"But it tickles," Noah managed to breathe out in between his fit of giggles.

"I don't even want to know!" came a new voice from behind the pair. Levi turned around to see his wife standing there, barefoot and covering her face with her hands.

"No you don't," he quickly answered.

She left the two to carry on doing whatever it is that they were doing.

"OK, there all done," Levi said taking a step back to admire his handiwork. He had successfully harnessed Noah to a leaning branch of the tree, leaving enough cord for him to swing. His legs were tied to another branch making it look like he was swimming in the air.

"Does it hurt?" he asked, quickly checking everything was tied properly and the baby harness on Noah's chest was secured "you want me to push you?"

"YES PLEASE!" he screeched with the biggest smile on his face.

"WHEEEEE! Daddy I'm flying," his arms were stretched out in front of him and flapping like crazy as he slowly swung passed Levi, who had the slightest smile on his face.

"LEVI, YOU'VE GOT A PHONE CALL! IT'S ERWIN!" called his wife from inside the house.

"I'm going to quickly take that. You'll be alright on your own?" he asked the child, who was too happy to even hear a word.

* * *

The phone call lasted longer than Levi thought. How long? Long enough to make him forget about what he was doing before he took it. After it did finish, Levi started cleaning up the mess that Noah had made when he took out all the balloons, and while he was at it he might as well clean the rest of the house he thought.

"Hey, where's Noah?" asked his wife, popping her head out of the kitchen, "I haven't seen him in a while."

Levi's eyes shot open. He had been comfortable sitting on the sofa, reading his book and sipping on his tea for quite some time that he completely forgot about the boy who was still dangling from the tree.

"SHIT!"


	4. Thunder and lightning

**Thunder and lightning**

The roar of thunder echoed through the sky in an angry fit of rage. Hordes of dark grey clouds blocked all forms of light from appearing, covering the land in a blanket of darkness and misery. Trees struggled to stay up right as gale force winds sorted the strong from the weak – the ones that would become shredded remnants with just trunks or piles of broken branches.

It was one of the strongest storms that had the privilege of occurring during Levis lifetime and it looked like it would carry on for a while, which meant going outside was out of the question. So he had to be stuck at home, with the kid.

Now, you'd think that children are scared of a little thunder storm and would cower in fear over the sky having an angry meltdown, but not Noah; he reveled in it and laughed in the face of it. This fact made Levi feel the slightest bit proud of his young son knowing that the kid had some courage and nerve. Either that or the child was a complete psycho or a sadist in the making.

Levi, who was lying on his bed, leaning against the headboard and reading some paperwork that Erwin had given him the other day, was struggling to concentrate with the noise of the raging storm outside and the three year old who was giggling his head off. Across the room from the bed was a little boy with his entire body and face pressed against the windows, muffling giggles against the glass. His already chubby cheeks were squashed looking even chubbier, as he squealed after every clap of thunder or flash of lightning that danced across the sky.

"Woooww that was a huge one!" he yelled at the bright bolt of lightning that illuminated the room.

Levi just rolled his eyes and carried on reading, trying hard to ignore the cackles and laughter that filled the room.

"Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy," the little boy came running up to the bed,

"how do you get lightning?" he asked while trying to climb up onto the bed to sit next to his father.

"Tch!" Levi didn't need this right now, he had to finish these reports or Erwin was going to….. Wait, what was he thinking, Erwin couldn't do shit to him, but anyways Levi couldn't be bothered to explain the build-up of electrical charges in the clouds and the proton and electrons attracting and stuff to a three year old who wouldn't understand it. So he said the first thing that came into his head that Noah would understand.

He mumbled something incoherent before answering, "maybe the sky's like a giant bug zapper or something. Zapping all those birds that fly too high." He felt no remorse for having lied to the child who was listening to him like his words were gospel.

Noah gasped at this brand new information trying to piece together everything and thinking back to all the birds he's ever seen.

"What's gonna happen to them?"

"They'll probably just fall to the ground, all burnt and crispy,"

Noah sat quietly in thought at all the poor dead birds, when a loud clap of thunder boomed through the air.

"Daddy, how do you get thunder then?"

Aw this one was going to take some creative imagination to conjure up, but luckily for Levi he was a master of deception and lying from his history as a criminal – which Noah must never learn about.

"…it's a giant… farting"

"Huh. What you mean the giant from Jack and the beanstalk?" his eyes growing bigger and mouth slightly gaping open.

"Yup, that one." _Wow that was a good one_, Levi thought, glad that the kid was helping him make stuff up.

"But why?"

_Urgh. This kid is so frustrating._

"I don't know, maybe Jack fed him beans!" Levi was running out of ideas and was trying to dismiss the child as quickly as possible.

"Whoa," and with that Noah climbed off the bed and went back to the window to look at the sky with his new found knowledge of the world. He laughed every time he heard the rumble of thunder and gasped at the lightning and the poor bird that paid the price for flying too high.

Noah's mother came back into the room having just come out of the shower, to find her boys just as she had left them; one looking out of the window, the other pretending to work on something he claimed was a method of torture from Erwin to slowly and tediously rot his brain.

The storm outside had quieten downed the slightest bit with the last lightning bolt burning in the far distance followed by the thunder.

Noah burst out laughing at this, before turning to his mother to impart his wisdom. "Mummy a giant just farted!" he said, pointing to the sky.

"Baby, what are you talking about?" she asks with furrowed brows.

Levi averts his gaze to his paperwork trying not to seem suspicious.

"Daddy said thunder is the giant farting cos Jacks feeding him beans."

"LEVI, HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU!? STOP TEACHING HIM STUPID THINGS!"

_Damn tattletale._


	5. Dinosaurs

A MASSIVE BIG THANK YOU to everyone who reads, reviews, favourites and follows. Thank you all soo very much

* * *

**Dinosaurs**

It was a quiet Sunday afternoon, Levi and his wife were sitting on the sofa talking when a little person clinging a book that was the same size as their entire torso walked into the room – more like waddled.

"Whatcha got there, buddy?" asked his mother.

Noah silently walked up to his father so that he was staring up at him. Big adoration filled grey eyes met with their original owner's, which were squinted and much too aged for their time, a silent and brief staring competition erupted between them.

Levi watched his child as he silently pushed the massive book onto the sofa and hoisted himself up, softly grunting as he struggled to climb the rest. He managed to roll his tiny body on, bumping onto the back of the seat with a light thud. He scooted over so that he was sat leaning into Levi, who had his legs crossed over each other with both arms extended out on the back of the sofa. Noah dragged the hefty book to himself and looked back up to Levi.

"A book," he finally answered but by this point his mother had completely forgotten her previous question.

"We can see it's a book," Levi said in his usual snarky tone "what are you doing with it?"

"Daddy I want you to read it to me," he asked, pulling his biggest puppy dog eyes. Tch, how could Levi say no to that disgustingly angelic face?

"Fine," he regrettably replied, taking the book from the boy.

"_Everything you need to know about: Dinosaurs." _Levi began reading from the pop-up book waiting several minutes for Noah to stop gawking at it and touching each page before carrying on.

"Daddy, can I get a pet dinosaur?" he asked after Levi read a few pages in.

"No" was his reply.

Noah whimpered slightly,

"Why? I'll be good, I promise," he begged with big dewy eyes.

"No. You're NOT getting a pet, and you're NOT getting a dinosaur." Levi carried on turning the page.

"I don't want any of those filthy animals in my house," he continued, muttering 'having you is enough' quietly for the child to not hear but loud enough to earn a playful nudge from his wife.

"I can clean it," the child whined.

"You can't clean up after yourself, or clean at all, how do expect to look after a dinosaur!" Levi was wondering in what universe he was considering the possibility of Noah owning a colossal prehistoric reptile to even use theoretically in a sentence.

"Aww but daddy, I reaaaally want a dinosaur," he wailed, his face ready to cry any moment.

"You can't have a dinosaur! They're all dead."

"What?!" he cried his mouth falling into the perfect 'O' shape.

Levi turned to face him, "do you _see_ any dinosaurs walking around outside?" Levi asked in a slightly pissed manner.

Noah shook his head saying no

"And why do you think that is!?"

"Cos they're hiding?" Levi pinched the bridge of his nose letting out an exasperated sigh.

"Noah, all the dinosaurs died millions of years ago." His mother informed him,

"They tell you that in the book, honey."

He frantically flipped the pages to the end where the apocalyptic scene of a blazing comet crashing down into the land, engulfing it in flames filled the two page spread.

"So all the dinosaurs are dead?" he sobbed.

His mother regretfully nodded her head, "I'm sorry buddy," taking him into hug in her lap as tears started slowly running down his face.

"I wanted to see a dinosaur," he wailed. Levi rolled his eyes and angrily sighed as the child rode out his tantrum.

After a few minutes of crying and efforts of hushing him by his mother, Noah wiped his nose and looked up at the pair,

"Can we have ice-cream for dinner?" he asked.

"No" they replied in unison.

He struggled free from his mother's arms flustered and irate shouting "I never get what I want!" before grabbing his book.

"No ice cream, no pet, I never get anything!" he cried as he stormed out of the room.

The thick tension in the air was suffocating with both parents sitting in an uncomfortable silence.

"We could get him a fish?" his wife teasingly suggested after a while, making him glare through the parted fingers across his eyes.

"NO"

"They don't need much, just put them in a bowl or something, they'll be fine," she continued.

"Don't." Levi stood up getting ready to leave

"If you get him a pet, I'm divorcing you." She playfully sulked as the man started walking out.

"WHAT ABOUT A ROCK!" she continued yelling as his slowly departing form vanished from her sight.

"NO!"


	6. Doctor's Orders

Hello readers. I am currently in bed with a cold so instead of doing nothing I thought I'd write this for you guys. It's a bit long to be called a drabble but whatever. if there are any errors blame it on the cold.

* * *

**Doctors' Orders**

Atchoo!

"Urgh, disgusting," groaned the silver eyed man as he blew his nose into a tissue as hygienically as he could.

"Levi, everybody gets a cold at some point in their lives there's nothing disgusting about it." His wife was sitting at the end of the bed putting on her shoes, trying to concentrate on both buckling the straps and talking to the bed ridden shorty.

"It's just a few germs, nothing that will kill you." She was rewarded will a silent deathly glare from him.

"_Just a few germs!?_ Do you even hear what you're saying," he continued glaring, throwing away his tissue before disinfecting his hands from a dollop of hand sanitizer that sat on his bedside table.

"That's the last time I go near that brat again. Stupid kid giving me his filthy germs," he complained.

"Well good luck with that Levi, I would love to see you try and keep him away from you. You know how much he loves you and wants to be around you." Levi lowered his gaze feeling slightly guilty, he did know how much the kid loved him however none of that mattered right now cos he was covered in germs and bacteria and it was all Noah's fault.

"Every time you're at work all I hear is 'when's daddy coming back, when's daddy coming back?'" this did little to relieve his guilt but he just sighed and went back to being his grumpier than usual self.

"Still, I'm not going near him until he's been sterilised!" he continued to sulk.

The woman put on her coat and walked up to the frowning man, kissing his hot forehead, "you do that Levi".

"Right, I'm off. I'm so sorry I can't stay to look after you, but you have everything you need and Hanji will be here at 9 to take care of you two so you should be fine." She placed a new box of tissues on the table and covered the red nosed man with more of the duvet.

"OK, get plenty of rest and I'll see you later. Mwah bye!" she blew him a kiss as she rushed out the door.

"URGH!"

Levi's entire body ached; he painfully turned his stiff neck over to look at the clock, 6:39 am. He had a good two hours to sleep before all hell breaks loose in the form of Hanji. Drowsiness took over him; he closed his eyes to rid the agonizing pictures of Hanji with all her optimism and joy coming over to look after both him and Noah – who had caught a nasty cold three days ago and passed it on to Levi.

He was woken by soft calls coming from the boy standing by the door.

"Dhaadhy?" he called, the effects of a blocked nose still thick in his voice. He quietly walked into the room and up to the bed.

"Dhadhy are you ill as well?" he asked, lightly tugging on the covers.

Levi gave a hefty low grunt as he rolled onto his back, pain throbbing through his head and neck.

"Go back to sleep," he told the child.

"But Dhadhy I'm not thired." Whether the child was tired or not was of no concern to him right now, his eyelids were heavy with fatigue and as soon as he closed them he fell back to sleep.

* * *

Soft cold hands were touching his face, pressed against his cheek and then to his forehead, it was actually very relieving for his burning body. He opened his eyes to find a head looking over his, a miniature body leaning into his left side.

"Whoa, Dhadhy you're so hot," Noah gasped, lifting up Levi's raven hair to feel his head. Had it been any other day and Levi would have taken that as a compliment and smirked, but not today and not right now, he was in far too much agony. The only sounds that escaped his mouth were deep groans and mumbles, actual words having left his brain hours ago.

"Dhon't worry Dhadhy, I'll take care of you!" he cried as he crawled off the bed and ran away.

_Good riddance._

* * *

Levi was woken again by a loud thud sounding near his head. He looked up to find his son wearing a miniature doctor's lab coat and stethoscope - a gift for his third birthday from Hanji. The thud had been the first aid kit, which came with the uniform, hitting his table when Noah put it down. Levi did nothing but give his most venomous stare, but the child paid no attention to it, smiling happily before running off yet again.

The sound of cupboards opening and closing kept him awake, light patters of feet running around downstairs and rushing back up told him that another visit from the boy was inevitable.

"Dhadhy I got you some juice!" he announced, running up to the man holding out a juice box.

"And some snacks if you're hungry."

When Levi didn't make any attempts to move, Noah took it upon himself to shove the strawed drink into his father's mouth.

"Mummy always gives me juice and says that when you're ill you have to dwink lots to get better. You have to dwink it Dhadhy, otherwise you're gonna sthay ill forever."

He reluctantly sipped, but not because he was told to but because he was kind of thirsty!

After putting down his drink Levi turned in the bed and buried himself under his covers to avoid any more attention and forceful feeding.

The next time he woke, he was comfortably snug, wrapped in his duvet with an additional smaller blue and white striped blanket that he was sure belonged to Noah…

Levi slowly sat up; he definitely had his son's comforter that was for sure.

"What's this?" he mumbled.

"You were shaking Dhadhy so I got you my blanket." Levi turned to the empty side of the bed to find Noah sitting next to him applying plasters all over his arms.

"Are you hungry Dhadhy?" he asked, holding out a cereal bar from the assortment of packaged snacks that surrounded him.

He gently shook his head, suspiciously eyeing the kid, _did he….take care of me..?_

"Hey you guys. I'm sorry I'm late. But don't worry Hanji is here now to take good care of you boys!" the always cheerful voice of Hanji echoed through the house as she burst into the room holding a basket of muffins.

"Oh Levi it looks like you've already got everything," she pouted, slightly disappointed.

_Yeah, I do. Noah must really like me to have done all this. What a good ki-_

"Levi why do you have plasters stuck all over your face?"

_I take it back._


	7. Sleepless Nights

**Sleepless Nights**

Sleep does all sorts of things to different people. Too much of it and you wake up with a throbbing headache feeling cranky and dizzy. Too little and you become tired and cranky. Either way you're cranky and easily agitated. When you're Levi – who is constantly cranky and easily agitated, you need to sleep well to not be so ….Levi. But that was not going to happen tonight all thanks to a little devil child who appeared to have a personal vengeance against Levi and his precious sleep.

It was 12:48 am, while the rest of the country was fast asleep, snug in their cosy, comfortable beds; little patters of feet were walking around in the Levi household.

Had Noah eaten half a dozen sweets before he brushed his teeth – yes, yes he may have. Was this keeping him awake? Maybe, who knows?

After sleeping for as long as he could he decided to pay a visit to his dear mother and father, lightly tapping on the door before sneaking in.

"Daddy, are you awake?" he quietly whispered. Of course, Levi being Levi, conscious of any noise late at night (he learnt a lot after Noah was born, that child _never_ stopped crying in the middle of the night) heard the child, grunted "go to sleep" and went back to his rest.

Noah whined and stood there for a while taking in the new world under the cover of darkness. Exploring seemed like a good idea right about now.

First he went to his room, playing with as many toys as he could find or feel in the darkness. Next the bathroom, which was the only room where he could reach the light switch, so several flickers of that fast enough to induce epilepsy attacks everywhere and then he'd be off. Noah was a smart kid, although it may seem hard to believe at times but he was, he was smart enough to know not to play on the stairs in the dark, or go downstairs for that matter. Who knows what monsters lurked down there?

Having conquered most of the rooms upstairs and creating a mess big enough to blow Levi's mind to shreds, next on the circuit was his parent's room. Noah had to admit though; this wasn't as fun as he'd first thought. It was kind of sad, no one was awake to enjoy it with him, but it's not like he wanted to stay up. He felt tired and he wanted to sleep but he just couldn't, everything was either itchy or irritating and just keeping him up. So what was he supposed to do?

* * *

Levi, who had heard all the light footsteps plodding around the rooms, chose to ignore them hoping that his mantra of "shut up, shut up, shut up" would be enough to stop the maddening child and his antics. Unfortunately, it wasn't.

The door quietly opened, followed by the sound of creaks from the carpeted floor. Rummaging sounds and childish snickers quiet but loud enough to wake the short-tempered man, were driving him insane.

"Oi brat what are you doing!" he hissed.

Said brat, walked up to the corporal's side of the bed rubbing him eyes.

"Daddy, I can't sleep," he sobbed.

Levi massaged his eyelids, "What did I tell you about eating sugar before going to bed," he said in his menacing voice.

The child sniffed and groaned as he rubbed at his eyes. He was obviously agitated and regretting his dietary decisions, getting ready to cry but Levi was is no mood to comfort him – cos that would mean leaving his warm bed.

"Argh just shut up and come here," Levi snapped quickly picking him up and putting him under the covers, right in the middle between himself and Mrs Levi.

Noah playfully chuckled and wriggled in between them to get comfortable.

"Now shut up and go to sleep," the man groaned in his sleep deprived voice. He quickly glanced over to the clock, 2:13 am, mumbled some deep inconspicuous curse and closed his eyes.

"Daddy, why are you and mummy not wearing any clothes?"

It suddenly occurred to Levi that he wasn't tired anymore.

No, fuck it; this was a problem he could deal with another day.

* * *

For all the people that have reviewed and messaged me- hopefully you know who you are. Oh my God. You guys are THE greatest fans a girl could ever ask for. I CANNOT THANK YOU GUYS ENOUGH! I am just at a loss for words...tearing up...give me a minute.

...

... 15 minutes later...

...

OK i've calmed down now.

I seriously love you guys, all of you who read my story, just thank you. I'll stop being such a crybaby one of these days, just not today.

THANK YOU ALL

ps: i have college starting soon so i may not be able to update as regularly, but know that i have ideas..sort of..planned and will try to make them awesome for when i do write them up.

thanks for reading this far and see you soon.


	8. Storyteller

**This is different from the usual drabbles in that 1- its NOT a drabble (over 3,000 words!) 2- it doesnt really have much Levi and Noah. I'm sorry if you guys weren't expecting anything like this, but I just wanted to write something. It's more of a Levi vs family rather than vs offspring chapter.**

* * *

**Storyteller**

From some strange turn of events, Levi found himself sitting on his son's bed preparing him for sleep by tucking in the sprightly youngster, all by himself. His wife was usually the one in charge of bedtimes, and waking him up and dressing him and playing with him and making sure he eats... Now that Levi thought about it, his wife did all of the work when it came to taking care of Noah.

_Damn, I'm actually such a bad parent, aren't I? _ Urgh he could mull on that later, during his 'alone with my thoughts' sessions. For the time being he had to put the usually noisy kid to sleep and get out as soon as humanly possible.

"Daddy?" the child queried, dramatically turning to face his grey eyed father.

"Hmm?"

"Can you tell me a story?"

"No."

"Mummy always tells me a story," he pleaded

Levi stood up, readying to leave, "Well tough luck, she's not here so you'll just have to do without it."

"Pleeeease?" the boy begged. Levi looked down at the child's face. His heart softened a little at the exact mini version of himself – well mini-er. What that kid did to Levi's heart was shameful; he was ruthless just with his very existence, no man or his feelings stood a chance against Noah.

Levi sat back down on the bed, "I don't know any stories, kid," he proclaimed.

"It's OK, you can make it up," reassured the boy.

A loud and long exhale escaped Levi as he scoured his brain in search of a story. He briefly looked back at the child who was grinning, like any child would, waiting eagerly for him to start.

"There…once was a ….knight," Levi started, pausing along the way to conjure up anything he could from what was left of his imagination.

Levi solemnly started his tale, creativity not being his strongest attribute but any cheesy story would do for now.

"He… wasn't a very nice man so people didn't like him and he didn't really like them either. He lived in a small kingdom which was full of mean and cruel people. This knight – hmm what shall I call him…?" he stopped to think, ergh why were names so hard to think of.

"Eric!" Noah blurted out

"Eric?" Levi asked furrowing his brows.

"From the Little Mermaid," the child informed.

Skeptically Levi resumed.

"OK… Eric. Before Eric became a knight he used to steal..

…

_It had been yet another day for the lonesome man, fighting to live in the crowded town that was swarmed with corrupt, filthy people and he was just as bad as any one of them. Every day would be spent trying to steal someone's money, if he was successful the money would feed and house him for a few days at most and if he wasn't, well he would have to starve then. Being a thief obviously garnered him a reputation among the people, and not a favourable one. They would curse at him, run him out of town, and try to abuse him, which is if they could catch him. Luckily for him, he was a fast man capable of outrunning mobs of angry people demanding their money back. 'If people weren't throwing abuse at you today, it wasn't a complete day' that was the motto he now lived by._

_With no friends, no family or a home, Eric found himself returning to the abandoned pile of rubble that was the remainder of a burned down house a few miles away from the busy city centre, that he called his 'temporary home'. He had successfully pick-pocketed four, incredibly fat and extremely wealthy merchants in the market square today. That should be enough to last him a month if he was careful with it, or a couple days if he decided to reward himself. The reward seemed like the sweeter option right now seeing as he hadn't eaten a proper meal for the past week, barely living on the fruit he could swipe from the stalls. A quick trip into town can't hurt too much. _

_Eric put on his hooded cloak and set out after sunset, the thought of real food making him foam at the mouth._

_All the catering stalls will be bustling with people around this time, his two only options were to either wait a few more hours for everyone to clear or go to the dodgy pub/inn at the edge of town. A hub for savage men, thugs and lowlifes, as it was known for. The rumbling from his stomach determined his destination down to the latter option; he could be classed in all three of those categories so that pub was perfect for him anyways._

_He walked in, hopeful that if he stayed quiet nobody would recognise him or beat him half to death - fingers crossed. The dingy place was full of big bulky men clad in black clothes and thick moustaches. Blood stained into most parts of their attire and mud covering the rest. At least Eric had some decency and was clean, the river down by his temporary home being the greatest tool he had, acting as a water source and his bathing area._

_Eric ordered his meal, during the waiting period in which he tried to get accustomed to the rank smell of the place._

_Taking up residence in the only vacant table in the corner of the room, he dug into his meal. Ahh, nourishment, thou art a man's greatest friend. He would admit, it didn't taste great, but it was better than nothing so there'd be no complaints from him today._

_Half way through his meal the door of the inn opened, bringing along the refreshing chill of the night air into the stuffy atmosphere. A young woman walked in, dressed in a beautiful aqua coloured gown, she was smiling and continued to do so even after realising how out of place she seemed. Eric couldn't help but ogle at her; she was so beautiful, fair, bright and happy. Nothing like the women in this kingdom, she must be from a neighbouring country, he concluded. The woman almost skipped to the landlord, ordering a drink before sighing contently and looking around the joint for a spare seat, the only one being on Eric's table._

_She gladly thanked the man and headed on over to the hooded stranger._

"_Is this seat taken?" He answered her with a shake of his head. She smiled and sat down, tucking her dress under the table to avoid trips. Eric tried not to constantly look up at her as she slowly sipped on her drink, but it was hard._

"_You shouldn't be here," he warned her._

"_Excuse me?" she replied, setting down her glass and leaning closer across the table._

"_It's not safe here, you could get hurt," his words were mumbled by his chewing in between._

"_I'm not staying long. I think I'll be alright for now."_

"_So why are you here," she asked, looking up from staring at her glass, "if this place is so unsafe?"_

_Eric said nothing, merely gesturing to the nearly finished meal in front of him with his hand. The woman laughed lightly, showcasing her abundant smile._

* * *

"_My carriage is outside, if you'd like, my driver could give you a ride home. It's getting very late out and it looks like it will rain," she spoke out after a few minutes of silence._

"_You're an idiot," Eric replied from behind his hood, his faint smile nicely covered by its casting shadow._

_The woman tilted her head in confusion, smiling of course, "I am?" _

_He nodded. "You're offering to give a lift to a man you've barely known for 10 minutes. How do you know I'm not a criminal or something?"_

"_Well I assumed everyone in here is a criminal. But seeing as your sitting here all by yourself, cloaked and hooded, surely you're different from them. You're not as bad as them."_

"_Or I could be the worst of them all," he replied back. Why was he so intent on repelling this woman's kindness? "Why else would no one be bothering me? I could be the meanest, cruellest man here."_

_She simply smiled and shook her head, "I don't think you are."_

_Eric looked up to briefly allow the two to share a second of eye contact before a large, calloused and astonishingly hairy hand grabbed onto the woman's shoulder._

"_Hey, how's it going beautiful?" the loud, gruff voice of a troll-like man bellowed in the pairs ears._

_She looked up to the man, cheerfully replying "why hello, it's going fine thank you," before removing his hand off her with her thumb and forefinger._

_Before Eric knew it, a group of men had surrounded the two and were taking turns at harassing the woman in front of him. The close proximity of their bodies to hers was revolting, he could smell the filth on them from where he was sitting, and he could only imagine it would be worse from her point of view._

"_That's a very pretty dress you've got on there," one very vile and foul looking man addressed her_

"_You know what would look better?" he teased. Eric's meal threatened to spill out of his gut at where this sickeningly perverse remark was heading._

"_Um if I had it in maroon?" she happily retorted back._

"_If you didn't have it on at all," the man attempted to seductively whisper back. A loud burst of laughter from all the men filled the room._

_She thought for a little while, scrunching her face a little as if imagining the possibility._

"_No, I think maroon would look better." Eric almost wanted to laugh at the woman's ability to overlook any disgusting comment she received, it was admirable but it had gone on for too long. Anymore and he was sure he'd throw up what was his first decent meal in a week._

"_Alright gentlemen, if you'd kindly like to leave the lady to finish her drink in peace, it would be much appreciated," Eric said in an authoritative tone as he looked up at them._

"_Hey, nobody was talking to you so shut up!" one of them replied._

"_Actually, I would appreciate it if you lovely gentlemen didn't waste your time on me, I'm sure you all have drinks and meals to return to," she said as she gave them her sad puppy eyes._

_However the 'gentlemen' did not return, rather stayed and pestered her more giving Eric no choice but to directly raise his voice at them_

"_She said leave her alone, SO GET LOST!"_

_He was quickly rewarded with a choking grip to the throat by the man standing next to him._

"_And why would I wanna do that!" he snarled, removing the hood that covered Eric's face._

"_Well, aren't you the thief what's been going around stealing from all the nobles?" One of them had recognised him._

"_We should hand you over to the king's guard and get us a nice hefty reward. And we could sell beauty over here and make us a fortune."_

_Cheers of agreement came from all the men. But it was short lived when Eric pulled out the dagger he had hidden in his belt loop. He went on to severely cut his attackers hand making the man release him before jumping over the table to grab the blue-dressed woman. The men that surrounded them all unsheathed their weapons ready to attack, each welcomed by the enraged Eric who protectively stood in front of the woman as a shield. Every attacker was easily disarmed by his simple dagger, and each one received several cuts, enough to disable their attempts of striking._

_An all-out pub fight ensued._

_Loud crashes from smashing tables, shattering of glasses and screams from men as they received wounds, alerted the two guardsmen outside the building._

"_Princess!" One of them yelled as he kicked open the door._

"_Oh my God, you guys are always so late when I need you," the woman behind Eric screamed back amongst all the noise._

"_We're so sorry, your Highness." they shouted back as they shredded through the mass of men to get to her. Within minutes the crowd had all been disarmed and Eric and the Princess were brought back to safety where Eric was quickly put in handcuffs and arrested._

"_What are you doing?" the Princess yelled._

"_Princess, he's a criminal and he almost got you killed, we have no choice but to arrest him," one of the guards calmly replied as he whipped his sword back into its sheath._

"_He saved my life, which is more than I can say for you guys! Please let him go." She pleaded and begged but to no avail. The guards reminded her that __**she**__ had ordered them to stay outside, so they cannot be held responsible for not coming sooner._

"_Fine, can we at least bring him to our kingdom to face his punishment?" She knew fully well that penalties for crime in this kingdom were harsh, cruel and often ending… not nicely. Perhaps her father could do something if this stranger were to be trailed in her country. _

"_He is still a wanted thief of this land, we cannot take him back until he has paid the price for his crimes."_

"_You guys are so mean! What happened to you? You used to be nice," she sulked before she turned to her surprisingly handsome saviour and thanked him. Apologies for not being able to save him from his impending doom soon followed after. He didn't say anything further to her except shrugged in a 'what can you do' kind of way._

_The night ended with all the known criminals in the inn being put in jail along with Eric. Turns out the princess was right about everyone in there being a criminal; she was also right about Eric, he wasn't as bad as them, he was just a simple thief amongst all the murderers and rapists. Their short time together ended with him being taken away into custody._

* * *

_It was two days later that the two met once again. The princess had come to his prison cell with her guards to release him._

"_I hear your name is Eric, correct?" she sweetly asked once the two were left alone in the prison courtyard._

_He nodded, unsure of how to address royalty._

"_I also hear that you don't have a home and live in burned down old house."_

"_You hear, or you stalked?" he asked, suspiciously eyeing the Princess._

_She laughed and told him of how she had her guards collect information on him and how she managed to bail him out of prison and that she had a suggestion for him._

"_Fight for me." Was all she said._

"Huh?"_  
_

"_My father is the king of my country. He has an elite army protecting his kingdom and an even better military guarding the royal family. I'm positive you can get into any of them with your skills. You'll be given plenty of food, money, a home, everything to make you comfortable. Please would you consider it?"_

_Eric declined the princess's offer, opting to just be taken to her country instead. She happily obliged - anything for the man who threw himself in front of her and acted as a human shield for her protection._

_Once they reached her home, the two parted ways as unlikely acquaintances, one sure that they would never see each other again, the other, already planning the opening sentence for when they meet. 'Long time, no see, bud!' was what they schemed._

* * *

_Almost a year later and Eric found himself regrettably joined into the military. He had been caught thieving by the leader of the army, Arthur, who 'persuaded' him into joining after seeing the criminal fight. With his skillset Eric quickly climbed the ranks, earning a knighthood in less than a year, and a reputation as a cold but incredibly talented soldier. It was only when he was stationed to protecting the princess while her guards were away that the two finally met again and when they did she was ecstatic._

"_Well, looky who it is." She may have forgotten the sentence she was planning to use, but this one worked better._

_Eric just smiled to himself, he had kind of missed the woman who turned around his life; it would be an honor to protect her again, officially this time round._

_And so began two months in which Eric was her primary guardian. __During this time period he discovered that he was quite fond of her and she of him. She dearly cared for him and treated him with nothing but kindness and respect, teaching him to soften his harsh personality the slightest bit. Even after their time together ended, they still saw each other on a regular basis around the kingdom. Somewhere along the way the two may have secretly fallen in love and he may have started caring about her enough to want to marry her._

_Once he felt the time was right, Eric finally got the courage to ask the King for his permission to wed._

"_No!" __The King had refused him, of course. **Him**, a once well known criminal, marrying the daughter of the King? Preposterous!_

_However, when his darling daughter pleaded with all her heart, telling him how much she loved the Knight and threatening to throw away her crown and title, the King had no choice but to allow the two to wed. It was just something he'd have to get used to, the idea of **them** being in love.._

_Eric and the Princess got married that fall in a small and quiet ceremony attended by the King, Queen, the leaders of the different military sectors and a few servants._

_In less than two years' time, they would have a child and she'd go through an ordeal that will be the turning point of Eric's life._

* * *

_His entire life he had been cruel to people: stealing them of their money, beating them, being rude to them, but maybe that was all because that's what they did to him. It was only when he met the princess that someone had shown him the slightest bit of kindness, that he had learned good people exist in the world. And now the only person who he has ever loved and loved him back was almost dying trying to give birth to his child._

_Shrieks and cries were the only noises coming out from behind that door that parted the couple. While he paced frantically in the corridor the rest of the castle was in panic trying to save the mother and child. The woman's body was too frail and just couldn't take the strain of labour, convulsing and writhing in agony as her health slowly deteriorated, every breath drawing her closer to her end. Her unborn child was suffering too with cords woven around it, slowly asphyxiating him and his tender body._

_Eric had done this to her, all that screaming and pain. That was all him. How could he live with himself, knowing this? He couldn't, he just couldn't._

_He sat on one of the chairs placed in the hallway of the castle, violently trembling, bowing his head and clawing at his hair. No amount of comforting could console him now, not from the King not Arthur nor anyone._

_A final ear-splitting shriek and his heart had completely sunk. _

'_She's gone' was all he could think of. He closed his eyes and rested his exhausted face into his palms._

_Silence fell upon the castle..._

_But then the faint sounds of a baby's cry, and his rejoiced. He rushed up and headed for his wife's room meeting the disorientated Queen, running out crying. He hurried to her side to capture her before she fell in her unstable frame of mind._

_"Oh Eric! They're both fine," she breathed as she wafted her face with her hands._

"_It will take a while for her to get well but for now they're both alive and breathing."_

_That was all he needed to know._

"_Eric, you have a son!" the Queen said between her cries, "and he's so beautiful. He has your eyes."_

_Eric took the Queens hand and kissed the back of it, silently thanking her, "__If he's beautiful then it's only because of your daughter." _

_Everything turned out fine in the end, the Princess got well again within a few months and the little Prince spent most of his time sleeping in his father's arms, being whispered sweet words of love and promises of protection._

"After the Princess fully recovered, the three of them lived happily ever after," Levi sighed as he finished his story.

"Whoa!" Noah gasped.

"I liked that story," the boy said as he looked up to his father, who was now sitting beside him.

"Yeah?" the man replied as he looked down onto his precious child's face, "I liked it too," he added softly.

Levi groaned as he stretched out of the small bed, his limbs aching from sitting still for so long.

"Goodnight Noah," he said as he switched off the child's light.

"Goodnight Daddy."

Levi opened the door to find his wife leaning against the opposite wall.

"That was a nice story, Eric. But as I recall, I was a lot funnier than that," she smiled.

He closed Noah's door behind him and walked over to her.

"Just shut up," he said before capturing her lips in a kiss. "You both damn near died on me, don't ever do that again."

* * *

Thanks to all my reviewers/followers/favouriters and readers - love you guys lots and lots.

Thank you to all you guys who say the most nicest things to me that make me want to run up and hug you:

**Penani19**

**Bellflower's tale**

**HarlequinRinger**

**roYaLAnemone**

**Ocean of My Existence**

**Guest (aka)**

**AnimeForever25**

**akaluv**

**Mark-Kris-Robin**

If anyone has any requests or suggestions for future plots you are more than welcome to tell me, i'll try and have a go at some. other than that happy reading this fanception story...thing.


	9. Party at Levi's house

**A/N: **hey everyone. so, i'm sorry that you guys had to wait over a month for a new chapter and i'm sorry for the disappointment you're gonna feel after reading this...i think i'll just run away now.

* * *

**PARTY AT LEVI'S HOUSE!**

_Dear Brain,_

_It's me, your owner, Levi. I hope you're having fun up there, all nice and cosy in my warm skull. Don't get too comfortable; cos I'm gonna kill you in a minute._

_Today happened to be my brat's birthday and as if he wasn't spoiled rotten enough already, a certain mother of his decided it would be a great idea to throw the stupid kid a lavish party. Apparently I had no say in the matter because even after I had refused her idea a month ago, a full blown party was organised by the end of the day. How the hell she managed to do that, I will never know. Remind me to severely punish that woman later on._

_So here was the kids 4__th__ birthday party, there's about a million brats running around my house, touching my things with their grimy little hands…ergh, makes me want to throw up just thinking about it. I don't mind it as much when Noah touches things, I clean him and I know where that kid has been but these ones, who knows what filth they've covered themselves in, the germs they carry, the bacteria that's infesting my nice clean house every time they touch something. Urgh!_

_It hadn't even been 5 minutes after entering my house that all these little twerps started running around, playing with all the balloons and toys that Noah had put out._

_Cue the screaming and the headaches._

_A couple of hours passed and Noah looked to be having the time of his life, being surrounded by all of his friends and his loving parents – well one of them at least, I'm still pissed off as hell and I refuse to join in, opting to lie on the sofa instead while the party moved outside to the garden. Every now and then one of his bratty friends would come up to me to piss me off even more._

"_No, I will not let you touch my hair! Go away," I'd have to snap at them._

"_I don't care about what flavour jelly your imaginary friend's brother likes! Just go back outside and leave me alone. It's probably time for lunch, so move it, shoo."_

_Tsk, headache not getting better any time soon._

"_Aah fuck it!" I sighed after the nuisances left. My wife having finally caught onto my peeved face, openly laughed at me. Note to self: VERY severely punish that woman!_

"_Oh come on Levi, it's not that bad. They all seem to be having so much fun," she said as she carried large plates of food to the picnic table outside._

"_Can you help me take these out? I'll serve them, don't worry. You just sit, relax and answer the door when the magician arrives, ok?"_

"_Why the fuck did you hire a magician? Like they're not hyper enough already, now you're going and finding more ways to annoy me?"_

"_I'm sorry but I just wanted that perfect, cute little kid's birthday party. Something Noah would remember for his entire childhood," she smiled._

"_He's 4! How much do you think he can fucking remember? He can barely remember what he had for breakfast this morning let alone remember the rest of this day!" I disputed._

_She shushed me while continuing to take out food from the oven, "hey, there are kids around Levi. You have to stop with the swearing. And plus it's too late now, the party's already started." She handed me some plates and signalled for me to take them outside to where all the kids had started sitting around the table._

"_You should have told me before," she mocked._

"_I did you crazy woman, but you never listened to me!" I replied back before following her out. She just laughed and sat down with the kids, ordering me to bring out the rest of the stuff._

_Reluctantly following her orders, I brought out the remaining food and went back to lie on the couch. This headache was never going to let up._

_About an hour later, after everyone had eaten and gone back to their little games, I heard the doorbell ring. Low and behold it was the magician, a sweaty little fat guy with the stupidest moustache. After I stared him down, not at all liking the man already, I let him in, pointing to the French doors across the room that lead to the garden where his audience awaited._

_After some very tedious tricks that even a monkey could do, an intermission was warranted to give time for dessert and a pissing break for the moustached fat man. We had an awkward little encounter in the hall just as he was coming out of the bathroom and I was taking cake for the kids in which he bumped into me, getting icing onto my shirt._

_**Levi, calm yourself, it's just a little icing. There's no need to get angry.**_

_"Oh sorry about that, I didn't see you there," he muttered in an unbearable snobby tone._

_I didn't say anything, being the bigger man; I merely put down the cake and went upstairs to change shirts without so much as an evil glare._

_By the time I got back, all the kids had begun eating and so did the magician who thought himself on equal terms amongst all these kids. Seriously pissed me off! I went outside to check where Noah was, when I was suddenly called over by the suited performer._

"_Could I get a drink please?" he asked me._

_**Really?**_

"_Who the fuck do you think I am, your servant? No." I turned around to walk away when I heard his stupid voice mumble something._

"_What did you just say?" I growled at him._

_The next thing I knew, my fist had met his face in an almighty attack, knocking him out instantly onto the grass. Fits of laughter and gasps came from all the kids behind me who had just witnessed their friend's father punch a children's entertainer, although I seriously doubted that man's legitimacy._

_I whispered some profanity before my wife came and hurried the children inside._

"_Seriously Levi! First the postman and now this! You have got to stop punching people." She grabbed my hand and started pulling me inside to get an ice pack for my sore knuckles._

"_What about him?" I asked, actually surprised that she was taking it this well, the whole postman stunt received way more panning than this. _

"_Nah, leave him. He probably deserved it, guy tried to grope my arse," she mumbled,_

"_Wait, what?!"_

_She completely ignored me and carried on smiling to the kids._

"_Alright my lovelies, you're going to have to play inside now. Nobody goes outside unless I say so, got it?"_

_They all nodded and carried on with Noah leading them into a game of Pass the Parcel._

* * *

_I was degraded to babysitting duty, watching over as the kids played on the floor when Noah came up to me holding a massive papier-mâché horse – or something rather. _

"_Daddy, can you put up the piñata. We can't use the tree outside anymore."_

_I groaned. Do these kids really need any more sugar? And think about the mess that would be made…ergh._

"_Can't you just hit it on the floor, or not at all?"_

_The little child shook his head, eagerly waiting for me to move._

_Using a chair, I tied the damn thing to one of the beams on the ceiling. After the bejesus had been hit out of it and the floor had been littered with glitter and sweets, an argument broke out between two of the boys. They each wanted the bat that was used and were tugging it between themselves trying to claim it for their own._

_Being the good parent that I am, I tried to break them apart, "stop fighting over a stupid stick, you fools." I stood over them to take it away – oh boy was that a bad idea. That, Brain, is where you SHOULD have come in to stop me._

_Those imbecile kids pulled at the wooden stick and one of them (also known as the new devil child) wacked the thing right into a very sensitive area of mine, a little too hard if I do say so myself._

_The noises I made probably weren't human. The words I said probably weren't suitable for children's ear, but screw it all cos it hurt like hell. I don't remember what happened after that, all I remember was falling onto the sofa holding my groin while Noah ran passed me yelling, "MUMMY! Mummy! Daddy's dying! ," and then blacking out._

_So that is how we got to here and the reason I'm talking to you right now. You, you stupid brain, are responsible for the excruciating pain I am in right now. I really don't like you but wake me up, so I can check the damage._

Levi wearily opened his eyes to the soothing sound of silence, an aching pain in his crotch being numbed by an ice pack and his temples being gently massaged. He glared up to see long tousles of hair hitting his forehead, belonging to his wife of course.

"Hey there handsome," she quietly whispered.

"Don't try to move, you'll only make it worse." She kissed his forehead and then his lips in her awkward upside down position.

"All the kids have gone home now and Noah's fallen asleep, so it's just you and me."

Levi only grunted.

"How long was I out for?" he mumbled, trying to close his shamefully spread apart legs, and failing.

She stopped his attempts knowing they just caused him pain, "a good couple hours."

"That was a great party," she beamed, moving around to help him sit up.

"You fucking wish. You're never to throw another party again, for as long as I live. Or ever for that matter," he glared back.

She laughed, burying her face in his shirt and hugging him tightly as a way of apologising.

Levi puffed as he struggled to stay upright, "yeah, yeah just shut up and take me upstairs. I wanna say happy birthday to my kid at least once today. I want this day to be over as soon as possible."

* * *

When he finally woke, he realised he had no idea where he was. Stranded in the dark in some strangers back garden with a swollen face, and to top it all off, they hadn't even paid him. It's fair to say that probably wasn't going to happen any time soon, best to just let this little gig slide past and never speak a word of it to anyone.

* * *

A/N: aw poor Levi and poor Levi's crotch. And aww my baby Noah's all grown up *wipes away tears*

the requests that some of you guys have made: i will work on them, i haven't just abandoned them. just please bear with me, slowly but surely we'll get there.

THANKS FOR EVERYTHING * thumbs up* and see you soon.


	10. Special

**A/N: **Due to exams, I didn't get to write anything for father's day and seeing as I just remembered that I hadn't written anything, I thought I'd write it now... two weeks late. So here is the cheesiest thing you'll ever read because my brain has died and I can't think of anything funny anymore.

* * *

**Special**

"Mummy, can I give it to him now?" Noah lightly whispered.

"Shh, shh shh, let's wake him up first," also whispered back his mother.

They weren't very good at 'd be terrible at espionage, and even if they were good at it, their target had a very keen sense of hearing so would have heard them from a mile away. It was no surprise, really that he woke instantly at the sound of them opening the door.

"I'm already awake you morons," grumbled the sleeping lump of a man, snuggly wrapped in crinkled sheets.

Noah giggled at his father's antics, which always seemed to make him smile. His dad was just so cool, the way he cared so little about everything, the way he was grumpy all the time and how he'd add an insult to each of his sentences to make it that much more threatening (or funny, as Noah saw it).

Levi grudgingly opened one of his eyes to peek up at his wife, child on her hip, both towering over his bed, shit-eating grins plastered on their faces.

"What do you want?" he deadpanned.

"Tsk, Levi! Must you be so cruel to us?" his wife replied, feigning indignation.

"We came with glad tidings, bearing gifts and love for you! I don't know if I should give them to you anymore, what with that attitude of yours."

Levi rolled his eyes and tried to sit up but was stooped when a child was put onto his chest, cutting off all his air supply and movements.

"HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!" she beamed, setting down a wrapped gift on his bedside table.

Noah smiled, holding out a sheet of card, thrusting it into his dad's face as the man adjusted his position to cradle the boy more comfortably.

"Tch! Why? What is the need for this?" he sighed. Levi never understood the need for such useless holidays, having never been accustomed to such traditions. Who cared about such frivolous dates anyways?

Apparently, his family did.

"Oh Levi, will you just let us be nice to you for one day? Is it too much to ask for you to do absolutely nothing while we shower you with love?" his wife mocked.

"Me and Mummy made you a card!" grinned the child in his lap.

Reluctantly taking said card and muttering a small, "thank you", Levi caved in to their kindness. It was a bit unusual, the idea of being pampered and fussed over, but maybe it won't be as weird as he'd imagined it to be.

The handmade card was pretty decent, it was green (his favourite colour), everything was spelt properly (no doubt thanks to his wife) and it had a…interesting drawing of him on the front… Let's not dwell on the picture, or the ratio of his forehead compared to the rest of his face – everybody knows his forehead isn't _that_ big! None the less, Levi was grateful for the cute gesture, thanked the kid and tousled his hair.

"Alright, Levi, you get ready while Noah and I go make breakfast," stated the brunette, getting up from her kneeling position by the bed and walking over to the door.

"Come on, honey, let's go." And off scampered the little boy.

* * *

It had been almost half an hour and Levi had just exited the shower, towel drying his hair as he walked into his bedroom only to find Noah sitting on the edge of the bed, swinging his legs. His legs were far too short to reach the floor which only gave him more room to kick the air.

"What are you doing?" he asked, thin brow arched up.

"I came to get you," he replies, legs never seeming to stop moving.

Levi fought the urge to say something regarding the fact that he was a grown man, capable of going downstairs by himself, but he figured he shouldn't, seeing as Noah was only trying to be nice. It would only be right to return the kindness.

"Give me a minute to get ready then."

Noah shut his eyes and put his hands over them as he shouted an "OK", earning him a light chuckle from the towel clad alpha male.

Once Levi was dressed, Noah took his father's finger in his hand and led him to the kitchen, beaming with joy as he listed the day's activities.

"….then we're gonna go to the park, then we're gonna have lunch with Uncle Eren and Aunt Mikasa, then we're gonna watch a movie – "

"Alright Noah, that's enough, you have to breathe at some point," jested his mother, who had heard his chatter coming from the top of the stairs.

"Oh and we're having waffles for breakfast!" Noah excitedly breathed out, almost forgetting to mention the deliciousness that was the start of their day.

"I helped cut up the fruit." Noah was smugly proud of that fact and it was evident to see in his face when Levi looked down, still not getting an inch to speak a word.

Levi eyed the corner of the counter where Noah had 'helped' cut the fruit. There was a plastic knife coated with pieces of bananas, giant lumps of strawberries rolling around in their juices and remnants of _some_ type of fruit dripping purple fluids, although it was difficult to tell cos it looked like something ran over it, but assume it was fruit. He battled the need to clean it up, just looking at that wreck brought shivers down his spine_. Do absolutely nothing_, she said and do absolutely nothing he shall, though with great difficulty.

Noticing his discomfort, his wife quickly stood in front of the mess, shielding as much of it as possible, "you don't need to see that," she laughed off and handed him his cup of coffee before stacking up waffles onto everyone's plates.

* * *

Levi would admit it; breakfast was great, the sugary goodness of his meal and the caffeine in his system made his body utterly submissive to their demands that he relaxes.

The rest of the day fared well. True to his word, every event on Noah's list was accomplished. The trip to the park was surprisingly quiet with most families occupied in other activities to pollute the serenity of the grounds. The only exception was Erwin and his children who had also come to enjoy the beautiful June weather. But that was fine; the children played together, while the men (mainly Erwin) caught up on all the missed sarcastic comments from the previous weeks.

After lunch with the Eren and Mikasa, they came home to watch _Finding Nemo_, because what better movie is there about a father-son relationship than one about a clown fish swimming to the ends of the sea to reunite with his child? As touching as it is, it does nothing to Levi's heart strings but it does tire out Noah, who was already pretty exhausted after his trip to the park and then his afternoon spent with his goofy uncle, Eren. Two thirds into the movie and the child was sound asleep on Levi's lap, head supported by his father's arms as the three of them sat, relishing the film.

Levi was very relaxed and very happy, although his face would say otherwise.

A quiet whisper from his wife broke him out of his thoughtless daze, "I'll get you some tea, shall I?"

Yeah… it had been a good day. He could get used to this. This was a _daily_ thing, right?

* * *

**a massive THANK YOU to everyone who reads, reviews, favourites and follows. I would never get any work done without you guys so thank you for motivating me.**


	11. Embrace

**Let us travel back in time, back to the good old days when Noah was still but a newborn and delve into the uncharacteristic insecurities of Levi.**

* * *

**Embrace**

You would see it in his eyes.

A faint glimmer of panic in those crystal grey orbs any time she mentioned those little words.

He was always awkward in these situations, tried to avoid them as much as possible. Yes, he was the father, but that didn't necessarily mean that he had to be good at it instantly. It should have been in his blood to just naturally hold his new-born child, but it wasn't. Levi had yet to click on that paternal switch that magically made parents get along with their child, to know exactly what to do and how to do it.

It may not have occurred to anyone that Levi didn't get taught any of this parenthood stuff. He never really had a family, or parents to teach him any of this when he was growing up and his only father figure was _him_. So Levi had absolutely no idea what to do with kids, let alone hold them or take care of them.

He didn't know how to love; anything he liked or respected even the slightest bit had to fight its way into his life, and had to fight even harder to stay there. It was bizarre how this tiny lump of flesh before him had done absolutely nothing, simply existed, yet it had acquired every ounce of his affection that everyone else battled so hard to get even a glimpse of.

Levi could just stare at this little being for hours on end, so weak, frail and delicate, wondering how it had turned such a war hardened man as himself, into a sentimental slop. He would find himself smiling at the baby's sleeping form for no reason whatsoever – that he knew of, at least. Maybe it was the fatherly instincts in him, finally kicking in, filling him with such pride.

But then _she_ would say something and all those silent thoughts and happiness would turn to fear and worry.

"Hold him," she would whisper, her sweet angelic voice lulling him out of his daydream back into the realm of reality.

The intimacy of the moment would be lost when she would add "I have to go pee!"

Panic would be evident in his eyes but she would be too occupied with hopping around to notice. She'd shove the infant into his arms and sprint off to the nearest restroom, leaving him standing there, frozen.

His hands would tremble as he'd try to remember everything they had told him. They mentioned something about supporting the baby's head, so that would be what he focused on. Somehow, the child would be held outstretched in front of him, the weight of its head held in one hand, while the other cradled the boy's legs. It would be awkward and he would dread it, silently cursing his inadequacy as a father and everybody else's incompetence for not having taught him the correct etiquettes for holding a child.

A sigh of relief would be emitted when she would return, humming happily to herself. She would chuckle at how amateurish he looks, finally realising his worries when she sees the anxiety in his eyes.

Once the baby is taken off of him and put back into the protected warmth of its cot, she would gently hold his hands, giving them a firm and reassuring squeeze to calm him down.

"Come on," she would say, taking his hand and leading him around the house.

He would uselessly ask where they were going; knowing she wouldn't reply, but he'd follow her none the less. He would have followed her to the ends of the earth if it meant salvage from his incapability to function as a regular human being; she knows what she's doing, he doesn't.

She would stop them in front of the utility room, opening the door to reveal the dozens of multi-coloured bottles of bleach, stain removers, cleaners and detergents.

"Hold this," she'd say, forcing three bottles of sprays into his arms, turning back to get more.

He doesn't know what to do with it all, he can't let them fall, that would make an even bigger mess and he can't put them down because she's still piling them on, making sure to put them in as uncomfortably as possible.

But he would manage to do it. One of his arms would be underneath it all, cradling the bulky weight while the other would be wrapped around, caging the bottles so they didn't fall.

Just as his arms are about to give in to the weight, she would stand up and put her hands around his to help him.

"See, you're doing it. Just hold him like you would your cleaning products," she'd smile.

"Are you degrading the value of my son to the same level as some chemicals in plastic bottles?"

"It was the only way you'd learn."


	12. Limbs

**Limbs**

Levi sat restlessly in his uncomfortable as hell chair. The faint sounds of drips, beeps and ambulance sirens in the distance were echoing in his ears, intensifying with every passing breath of his. Every now and then, he would hear the chatter of doctors and nurses as they passed his room, annoyance permanently etched on his face at the sight of their cheerful disposition. This was a hospital, where people are ill, injured or dying – what the hell did they have to be so happy about!?

Admittedly, Levi was not in the best of moods – then again, is he ever?

Well, regardless, he was in an even fouler mood than usual, shall we say.

Not so long ago was he at home, tidying up his already immaculate house that the fateful event had to occur.

* * *

**Not so long ago…**

"Oi, brat, get down from there," Levi snapped.

Noah whined a little but complied, getting down from his parent's dresser.

He was a climber – climbed whatever he could: chairs, tables, wardrobes, Levis, you name it. Right now, he had situated himself on top of the immense wooden furniture, about 4 feet off the ground. Impressive as it was, Levi was not amused. He was never amused when he was in his cleaning mode; mask tied around his mouth, hair held back with a headband, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up – he meant business when he's in cleaning mode.

"How many times do I need to tell you not to climb the furniture? If you're going to mess around, go outside!" he ordered.

Noah sulked, faked a sniffle and ran past the masked cleaning warrior to bask in the joys of being a lonely child in the great outdoors.

* * *

'Well, the great outdoors proved to be boring,' Noah thought as he ran his stick along the fence.

After several tedious minutes of rolling on the grass, poking some leaves and kicking a ball against the house until Levi told him to shut up, Noah decided to make some sweet music by hitting things with his trusty stick. He carried on walking around the garden, leaving a trail of rattling behind when his stick met the grooves in the fence until he got to the tree in the corner that he was once left hanging from when his father forgot about him. Ah, the fun times they had.

Wait. A tree? You can climb those things can't you? And as he recalled, Levi never mentioned anything about not being able to climb outside.

So being the action-man-adventure-extraordinaire kid that he was, he jumped to reach the lowest branch.

Many, MANY failed attempts later, he managed to scramble onto the stubborn thing securely and sit proudly atop of his accomplishment. This was by far the most taxing climb he's encountered, not to mention the most fun, and so with that in mind, he proceeded to go higher.

Now, what would you get if the neighbour's scary looking cat suddenly jumped onto the fence near where you were climbing and scared the living shit out of you?

A broken arm is what you'd get.

The ear-piercing sound of a cat's screech, loud rustling of branches, a thump and then the pained cry of a child all but killed Levi. He immediately stopped what he was doing (vacuuming his hoover with a portable hoover) and hurried to find Noah.

Chanting, "_Please don't let that be my kid," _as he rushed down the stairs, throwing open the door to the back garden.

_Aww shit, it's my kid. _He cursed once seeing a crying Noah, holding his arm.

Of course it was his kid; there weren't any other children in the neighbourhood for miles or any person capable of crying the way Noah did.

Figuring now was not the best time to scold said person, Levi focused on the little guy's arm, which was painfully swollen and red.

After softly shushing the sobbing child, he began tying a makeshift sling around his arm and neck with his headband. All those years of dealing with injured soldiers and living a violent thug's life had got to pay off at some point. But he never wanted to use that first aid on his own child - that would be too cruel.

Carefully picking up the sniffling child in a way to cause as little pain as possible, Levi took him to the hospital.

* * *

How should he break the news to his wife he wondered while waiting for Noah's arm to be put in a cast? He was far too agitated as it was already; calling her seemed suicidal, not to mention, it would probably make him deaf when she freaks out and has a fit. Maybe a text…

That seemed the safest option.

Before he could plan any further than that, the nurse brought out little Noah who had a white cast running up from his knuckles to his elbow. The once sobbing face, swollen and red was now replaced with a huge, smug grin.

"Daddy, it didn't even hurt," he smiled

"And look, I look like a robot now." The child giggled as he swung from side to side.

Levi wanted to smile but he knew not to let the cuteness fool him; that kid had nearly given him a heart attack, not to mention disobeyed his order not to climb - although now that he thought about it, he didn't specify that rule very well.

Maybe this was _his_ fault?

_NO! Don't do this Levi! Don't let the kid get the better of you. You can't doubt yourself now; you need to stay strong if you wanna teach him anything._

* * *

On the walk back to the car, Levi severely reprimanded his child, he also mentioned something about wrapping him in bubble wrap from now on so he couldn't get hurt again.

Noah thought his father was joking about that.

And he was proven wrong.


	13. Heatwaves

**Heatwaves**

"Damn this weather," Levi groaned as he walked into his house. It was 5 in the evening and the sun was blazing away like nobody's business, trying to burn whatever it could with its stupid flames. The air was thick, humid and hot. Not a single cool breeze passed to waft away the sickening heat.

The disgruntled shorty trudged his way through his equally stuffy and hot home to the back garden after catching a glimpse of his wife sitting on the porch. All the windows as far as he could see were open, as well as all doors and any other form of ventilation that could pass cool air. Still, it was no salvage from the dire heat.

_DAMN YOU SUN!_

Slowly making his way outside, he could hear the playful chatter and giggles of his child and the splashing of water. Ahh water, how good would it feel to pour a bucket of that over his aching body right now?

The light clanking of his boots on the hardwood deck and the shuffling of his clothes alerted the two of his entrance, to which Noah squealed "HI DADDY!"

He went to stand next to his wife's sitting form, her greeting him with a hug to his leg.

"Welcome home," she smiles.

Levi sits down on the decking, letting out a relieved sigh as he does so and admires the little child in his inflatable pool, splashing around in the water in his armbands and mini hibiscus print swimming trunks.

"Daddy, do you want to swim with me?" Noah asks, floating over to the side closest to Levi.

"I think I'll pass," he informs, shifting around in his uncomfortably warm clothes. In comparison to the two who are wearing more heat-appropriate garb, he was far too overdressed.

His wife, always one to sense his discomfort, mischievously smirks at him.

"You look a little hot Levi. Why don't you take off your shirt?" she nudges.

Levi just blinks at her. But before he knows it, Noah has also caught onto their conversation and is, too, encouraging him.

"Yeah, come on daddy. It's really, really, REALLY hot and you're wearing so many clothes you could melt!"

Levi makes no efforts to move, even with the continuous pestering, or 'encouragement' as they would call it .

"Think about all the sweat that you're getting on your clothes," his wife grinned in a last attempt to prompt him.

"Especially around your cravat," she whispers.

Eyes widening the fraction of a bit, Levi leans back to roll off his tan jacket.

Well, he _was_ going to take them off anyways, but _they_ decided to make a whole big deal out of it and delay him.

Standing up, he ran his fingers slowly down his neck, hooking them under the soft material of his cravat to teasingly tug at the fabric to loosen it. He didn't mean for it to be so suggestive, but if they wanted him shirtless, they might as well get a little show out of it.

The 'audience' watched in fascination, a sly smirk plastered on the face of one and an adorable curious look on the other as Levi started on the buttons of his shirt. Once they were all unfastened, he pulled the shirt out of their confines from under his trousers and flared it open, gracing the world with all his glorious, muscly physique.

"Happy now," Levi deadpanned as he removed the article and sat down to fold his belongings.

His wife turned to grin at him, "Very. All you needed was some music and a pole and that would have been perfect."

"Tch. You say the dumbest things, and still have the gall to call _me_ inappropriate."

She smiled, pretending she didn't hear that and continued to watch Noah while he carried on swimming.

After a while of all the 'neat tricks' Noah claimed he could do that Levi could take, he took his pile of neatly folded clothes and walked inside. He came back later, walking barefoot with iced drinks and rolled up trouser legs, not at all realising how beautiful he looked in his magnificent shirtless-six-pack-ness.

Hearing a faint whisper from his wife along the lines of "just eat all your vegetables, sweetie," he became curious. His curiosity was only further piqued when some inaudible whispers coming from something in her lap, which he assumed was Noah, followed.

Levi sat down and found that Noah had indeed climbed out of the pool and was happily perched on his mother's lap, wrapped in a large towel as the two enjoyed a secretive conversation. It was abruptly stopped upon them seeing his quizzical face.

"What's going on?"

Noah innocently looked up at him while huddling further into the towel to hide more of his face.

"He wanted to know how to get muscles like you," his wife chuckled.

It was one of those rare occasions that Levi's mouth formed a smile, or in this case a slightly smug – dare I say, devious – grin.

He nodded his head slightly in approval and handed each of them their drinks.

"You don't need to worry about that yet Noah," he said as he tousled the boy's hair, "worry about doing your 'tricks' properly first."

Secretly in his head, Levi was plotting all the food he'd now be able to force Noah, the fussiest eater in the world, to eat if he just claimed it would help the kid grow up strong like him. This was going to make life a whole lot easier for _a lot_ of people – by which he means himself, of course.

After beverages, the rest of the afternoon was spent with the doting parents trying to teach the child how to float on his back without armbands. It was then followed by some highly uncalled for and unnecessary water being splashed onto Levi, which may or may not have resulted in a certain culprit being picked up and chucked into the pool as she screamed and begged for forgiveness which came a little too late. And, all of that may or may not have fuelled a raging water fight in which Levi practically destroyed his opponents (and the garden) and rightfully won.

Yup, that totally didn't happen and Levi totally didn't enjoy himself.

* * *

**A/N: shirtless Levi right? It's a good thought.**


	14. Work Experience

**A/N: **This was a request from **HarlequinRinger** made back in April...see how terrible I am, 3 months you waited! I'm SO sorry for the long wait and the fact that this probably really bad. But here you go, thank you for all the lovely reviews you always make.

RE-EDIT: I changed a part of the story because I received a couple of suggestions from people wanting the same request.

* * *

**Work Experience**

Noah was never entirely sure what exactly his father's job was. He knew it was something about catching bad guys and occasionally flying, but other than that he had no idea. Essentially though, his dad was a superhero, wasn't he? Noah loved nothing more than superheroes, and the idea of him living with one was enough to send him into a mini fanboy meltdown.

So, it was no surprise to anyone that his little face lit up in complete and utter joy when his father told him that he'd been forced to drag him to work with him. Blamed it on some stupid babysitter who had gone on holiday and a mother who was "too busy" at work to take him with her. It was with great reluctance that after a very long hour of persuasion, some threats and puppy eyes from his wife, Levi gave in and brought the kid along on one of his safer and less action-packed days.

The journey to Levi's workplace was very tiring – for Levi that is. He had to listen to 45 minutes of mindless chatter and rambling from the child in the back seat who never seemed to shut up. It was only after seeing his dad pull up the car to a magnificent looking stone castle, complete with blue turrets that Noah finally stopped talking, only because his brain went into overdrive.

He was so confused; HIS DAD WORKED IN A CASTLE!? Does that make him a king? What did any of this mean?

His little mind and heart was fluttering all over the place trying to piece everything together; all his pent-up excitement clear from his gaping mouth, widened eyes and high-pitched squeals. Levi sighed from the driver's seat, already dreading the chaos he was about to unleash when he opened the car doors. After mentally preparing himself, he got out and went to unbuckle the child, all the while thinking about what a long day it would be.

The inside of the castle was not at all what Noah was expecting. Everything was converted and so modern, but beautifully incorporated with the original castles features. There were stone pillars lining the main hall, rustic beams supporting the high ceilings, decorative landings and stair cases. Not to mention it was so bright cos of the tonnes of windows and LED lights scattering the ceiling, walls AND floors. It was so big and airy – a kid could breathe in here!

It was fair to say, he had never gasped so much in his life, the building was astonishing even for a child mind like his to appreciate – it WAS a **castle** after all.

After some security checks at the front, Levi led the child by the hand through an enormous main hall/ converted head office which was organised with desks, notice boards and a quaint seating area. There weren't many people around yet, which Levi was very thankful for because it meant fewer people would fawn over the child, and for said child to go and pester. He was actually surprised that the kid hadn't said anything yet; he was too busy gaping at everything and resisting the urge to run over to all the shiny things.

The castle looked huge, and while Noah had every intention of exploring it, he doubted whether his father would so happily oblige to a good old exploration mission. What little tour he got was the walk through the main working area, up some intricately decorated wooden stairs, passed more hallways, another large work area and down to Levi's own, personal office. As Noah expected, everything was sparkling clean, the windows, the floors, the stacks of papers…everything. This was definitely the work of his father.

He was sat down in a chair at one end of the room while Levi went to his desk on the other, the glass window behind him silhouetting his figure for Noah to see. After establishing some ground rules, Levi set to work letting Noah play with the things his mother had packed for him in his mini backpack. Of course, every 15 minutes or so, Levi would look up to check the child was fine; he wasn't _that_ terrible of a parent to just leave him alone. No, he didn't do that anymore.

* * *

"Don't touch that."

"Don't touch that, either."

"Don't go in there."

"Leave that alone."

Levi let out a heavy sigh as he tediously repeated the same commands every few minutes. It hadn't even been 2 hours yet and already he's had to tell the kid not to touch things 53 times – not that he was keeping count or anything.

The child was clearly bored, any sane person could tell you that, but Levi wasn't taking the hint.

"Daddy, what are you doing?" Noah asked. His boredom had finally peaked; it may have been because he'd lost two of his toy cars under the storage unit lining the wall when he was racing them, it may have. Or it could have been because it was insanely dull in the room and Levi wasn't much of a talker.

Levi set down his pen and looked at the child. He had come over to his desk and was poking his head to look at the papers he was writing.

"I'm filling out some reports about the latest criminals we've just caught."

"Is it fun? Can I see?" he asks innocently as he begins to walk around over to Levi.

"It's not something for you to play with," Levi informs, but the eager look on the child's face makes him groan out loud and pick him up into his lap.

Noah rests his chin on the table as his father carries on writing in the boxes. Every so often he would turn to look up to his dad's face to see if his expression changed, or to ask questions regarding the little pictures of people attached on the corner of every new file.

"Who's that?"

"You don't need to know."

"Then who's this person?"

"You don't need to know that either."

"What about **_this_ **guy?

"…"

Indeed, it would be a **very** long day.

* * *

It was almost 11 and Noah had gone back to looking for that one thing he'd actually be able to touch, when Levi's door was suddenly slammed open, startling the man out of his writing.

"HEY LEVI, I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU ALL MORNING!" Hanji burst in, sipping on her coffee and carrying a half-eaten doughnut in her other hand.

"What did I tell you about knocking, four-eyes?!" Levi growls.

Hanji tries to remember but suddenly stops and loudly sniffs the air.

"IS NOAH HERE?" she excitedly shouts and turns to see the little child looking at her in shock.

"What the HELL was that? Did you just sniff the air for him?" Levi was completely ignored because the crazed scientist was too busy hugging said child and blubbering about how much she'd missed him.

"Babies have that 'adorable' smell, you know? You can smell it from a mile away," she explains, patting his head and letting him go back to his wondering.

"There's something seriously wrong with you." Levi's head is down once again as he continues to work.

"You look busy Levi, why don't I take him off your hands for a while?"

Levi cocks a questioning brow at her.

"Take him down to the research labs, show him around the castle, and get some snacks and stuff. It'll be fun, PLEASE," she begs with her 'cutest' face.

"No. You're probably going to end up blowing off his eyebrows. Or even worse – teaching him something like you did last time. NOBODY wants a jar of insects in their house, for whatever reason possible…ever!"

"Aww come on, let me take him. Pretty please, he's clearly bored cooped up in here."

"No he's not"

The loud crash from Noah dropping a stack of paper and stationary into the rubbish bin told him otherwise.

Levi covered his eyes with his hand and gave a defeated sigh.

"Fine, take him. But don't you dare teach him any of your stupidity or get him hurt."

Hanji scoffs at the idea and takes the child by the hand. "What little faith you have in me Levi, as if I'd do such a thing!"

"Where are we going Hanji?" Noah asks

And all Levi hears is a creepy, slightly manic laugh from the woman as the two walk off.

* * *

After Noah is given that tour of the castle he so desired, squealing in delight at everything, Hanji brings him back down to the main hall where none other than the members of the 104th recruit happened to be hanging around.

"Oh my god Hanji, whose the kid?" Ymir smirks, leaning back in her chair with her feet on the desk.

Once the formal introductions were over came the 'aww, he's so cute', 'how does Heichou have such an adorable kid?' and 'he looks like a mini, happy version of him'.

Now that Krista mentioned it, Hanji realised Noah does look A LOT like Levi, all you'd have to do was get a matching uniform, shave the underside of his hair and you'd have a perfect miniature, albeit smiley Levi.

"Hey Noah, do you want a haircut?" Hanji asked to the innocent child.

He smiled back, "OK!"

Well what more did she need, he was clearly happy about it so Levi shouldn't have a reason to complain later.

And it wasn't like she didn't know her way around a pair of scissors, how do you think that bad boy up there on her head got there?

* * *

"Oh my god, he looks so adorable, Hanji!" Sasha squealed, along with everyone else as they formed a circle around the child. He was sitting on a table in the equipment room, curiously watching as Hanji moved back and forth finding things and fixing them on his little body.

"_Don't worry Noah, you're gonna love it."_ That was what she had said to him, and with that promised he happily went along with her plan, doing whatever she told him to do. And that was how he ended up here, waiting for her to come back as he fiddled with a handle from the 3DMG.

"Do you think Heichou will like this? I don't think he will…" Connie and Armin seemed to be the only ones even remotely worried about what was happening now. It was a good thing Eren and Mikasa were out on patrol or else this little 'makeover' would not be happening. Come to think of it, Eren probably would have been the first to come up with the idea, and Mikasa would have happily agreed to whatever he'd say.

* * *

Levi had started to get curious about where that crazy scientist had taken his son, it had been hours since he'd heard from them. He went looking for them and was told by Petra that Hanji was last seen in the equipment room. What on earth could she possibly be doing in there?

"Hanji what the hell are you doing? I've been looking for you for the past half hour. What is taking so long that you need to keep the kid for 4 hou –"

Levi froze when he found the group of recruits surrounding a table, each stopping dead in their conversations at his entrance. Hanji walked out from the back door holding an electric hair razor, sprouting some nonsense about it working better - also stopping dead in her tracks upon seeing Levi.

"Hey, brats. What's going on here?" he snarls.

He hears Noah's muffled speech from somewhere in the room, almost like he was towered over by a group of imbeciles.

"Step away from the kid. Right. Now." Levi glared daggers at the imbeciles; he couldn't make his sentence sound more threatening even if he tried.

With guilty looks they parted away, not a single word uttered in the dead silence.

When Levi saw Noah sitting there, looking confused, he had to suppress his urge to kill Hanji. She had dressed him up in a Recon Corps jacket, the same cropped one that now fitted him like a normal jacket, only this one had the arms rolled up; somehow the woman had also found white material and wrapped it around the child's neck to mimic a cravat like a certain someone's.

Levi eyed the razor in her hand, and then Noah's hair which had been partitioned with the top half clipped up...and part of the bottom side shaved off…

It didn't take a genius to figure out what they were doing, they we're making a clone him.

Levi took in a shaky deep breath. He was livid, burning with white-hot rage, so much so that he had no words worthy of describing the torment he was about to unleash on the culprits, but he had to force himself to remember that murdering was wrong. He walked up to a dumbfounded Hanji and snatched the razor from her hand.

"Start running!" he growled, before walking up to the table to pick up his son and stomping out. The cadets in the room were stunned silent, they hadn't been threatened with extra training, cleaning or death – that was never a good sign.

As Levi silently carried Noah down the corridor, he heard panicked whispers coming from behind him. The only one loud/dumb enough was Jean, who stupidly said "he's going to kill us isn't he?" to which everyone replied 'yup' in unison.

Levi nodded his head while he carried on walking, he didn't want Noah to see him beat the shit out of a bunch of **idiots**, morons incapable of doing their jobs for one measly day. No, that would set a bad example. He'd be sure to _thoroughly_ teach them the meaning of discipline the next day, away from these innocent eyes. He was looking forward to it already.

When he walked up to his floor, he was greeted by a cravat-less Oluo trying to cover his bare neck with his shirt collar. Levi handed over the child's neck tie to the man and walked to the bathroom across his office.

"What did the bad woman do to you?" he asked, once the two were alone.

* * *

So many years of getting the same haircut had left Levi with an apt knowledge of how to perfect his infamous do. He was practically an expert in it now, well good enough to be able to do it on others. He had sat the child down on one of the sinks in the bathroom and began trimming his hair so the sides matched.

Noah didn't seem to notice the almost visible fumes coming off Levi as he worked on his hair; he couldn't see what he'd done wrong and just cheerfully carried on recalling all he'd done today.

"….I had so much fun. Reener and Bertool said they can fly and they said you can fly too. How? I wanna fly. Can I see you fly? Please. Can you show me? Please Daddy?" Noah had started one of his nonstop talk sessions after Levi asked what Hanji had done to him, but he asked that 20 minutes ago. The child was now in his plead-and-beg-til-it-numbed-your-skull-or-until-he-got-what-he-wanted mode.

Levi usually made it a habit not to wear his gear in front of Noah or to talk about it; it might have given the kid ideas. Plus, he didn't really need to wear it much, seeing as the 3DMG was mainly a precautionary tool these days, which he is far too kick-ass on his own to need. But because not everyone else was as awesome without their gear as he was, they needed to be trained to use it. In fact, everyone in the building had to be experienced, even Hanji, and she worked in research. 3DMGs just came in handy for many different reasons; it makes life a lot easier when you can fly and everyone else can't.

He was still angry at Noah for going along with Hanji's stupid plan, but he really needed _something_ to shut him up at this moment in time.

"If you can sit quietly while I finish off, I'll show you. But if I hear another word, you're not getting anything," Levi proposed.

The boy clasped a hand around his mouth as strands of his hair continued to fall over his shoulders.

He managed to stay silent the entire time Levi trimmed his hair; it was astonishing how quiet it was – enough to have calmed the Corporal down.

Once he was done, Levi dusted off the hair and showed Noah the results.

"Hey, Daddy you look just like me!" the boy gasped, touching his hair unable to believe he looked so much like his father.

Levi scoffed.

"What are you talking about; I had this haircut first, so _you_ look like _me_." Noah giggled when Levi tousled his hair and walked the two out, he liked his new haircut.

* * *

True to his words, Levi was going to show him some flying; well it was more gliding and jumping, but whatever.

He put on his gear and got some extra harnesses before carrying the child to the giant forest behind the castle. A few strange looks were directed at the matching duo as they walked through the halls/offices, but one glance from Levi and all those looks found themselves glued to the screens of their computers or the paperwork on their desk.

Levi sure ran a tight ship around here.

…

"Are you ready?"

Noah replied back with a very excited 'yes' as he wrapped his arms around the front of Levi's shoulders. Levi had removed his jacket and strapped Noah on with some extra harnesses,

"Alright, hold on tight."

Levi was good at using the 3DMG, everybody but Noah knows that; this was his chance to show his son what he did best, show off a little – safely of course. He couldn't help but inwardly smile as he swaggered over to the opening of the forest. This would be fun, using the gear for leisure was always so relaxing.

One shot from his grappling hook and the two were off the ground. If only Levi could see the sheer delight on Noah's face as the two slalomed though the trees, spinning and twirling as they did so.

With very little effort from Levi, simply a couple of flicks of his wrists, they soared through the air, landing on a tree branch now and then before kicking off again.

Noah couldn't believe he was actually moving in the air, he could barely contain his excitement. He was living out his dream of being Spider-man, of course he'd be excited.

Plus, his dad could fly; how cool was that? If that didn't make you a superhero, then what did?

* * *

**Just lame.**

**Well I hope that kind of explained what Levi does now and how the SnK cast can all be together still. If it doesn't make sense I don't blame you, I did a stupid job and don't really understand it myself. I just didn't want titans to eat people in Noah's happy little world, so I put murderers and criminals there instead, yay (!) **


	15. Feud

**A/N: Another request. This one was from Penani19. Again, I'm sorry it took so long to finally write it and I don't know whether this can count as 'trouble' but the other ideas I had were too boring. Levi is so OOC in this but I didn't know how else to do it.**

* * *

**Feud**

'_Levi? Did you use my makeup?'_

_That_ was how it started. That innocent little question was responsible for starting this arduous, insanely immature and very lengthy battle between the couple.

It began like another other day; a beautiful, quiet summer morning for the three members of the Levi family, and with one glance down at her table then back up to Levi's face, everything was ruined.

Levi spluttered to find an answer, "What? Of course not!" he claimed.

"Oh really? Then why does my stuff look like it's been used and then put back more organised than before?" His wife asks with her head tilted to the side and a disbelieving smile on her face.

"Because it was a mess and I tidied it up? I didn't use it though."

She turned back to her dressing table and began dis-organising everything. "It's fine if you did, I don't mind. You just had to fess up and not be so shy about it; I mean, you use my hair straightener and stuff and you did the same thing back then." She gave him a knowing smirk.

That happened ONE time, and still she would not let it go. So yes, he had a bad hair day; he'd gotten out of the shower and for some reason unknown to anyone, his hair decided to curl. What choice did he have!?

"You said you wouldn't bring that up anymore!" Levi replied through pursed lips.

"Fine, but could you just ask and put my stuff back the way you found it?"

"I told you, I didn't use it. Why the fuck would I take your makeup?"

The woman turned to face Levi, not at all amused until she noticed his face. She smirked.

"Levi, your skin is looking particularly flawless this morning. Its beautifully clear, you look like you're almost glowing."

Suddenly, Levi felt a little shy – no, not shy – he felt a need to not look at her anymore, that's all.

He turned away, muttering a small 'I don't know what you're talking about' and walked out of the room.

Nobody needed to know _anything_.

There were just some things a man doesn't reveal – like the fact that Erwin had recommended him this new facial cleanser that worked like a fucking dream! His skin has never felt so sexy smooth before in his life. But what Levi did for his beauty regime was a secret between Levi and his face, there was no need to tell others, especially not _her,_ about it.

Levi leaving the room only proved his guilt, and while his wife had no intention of condemning him for using her stuff, she had wanted him to admit to it or apologise for using it without permission.

* * *

A few days later an angry Levi stomped out of his en suite bathroom, gripping onto the wrapped towel around his waist with one hand and a wet razor in the other.

"Did you use my razor!?" he growled.

Instantly, his wife stopped brushing her hair and looked at him.

"Maybe?" she innocently admitted. "I figured if you can use my stuff then I can use yours. And my one broke," she shrugged.

"This is different from using that damn hair straightener! It's my _razor_, used for my _face_, not for you to go around shaving…."

Levi paused to think about all the possible places his shaver could have been…. he grimaced at the thought.

"…Wherever the hell you used it! Don't touch it, or have the decency to dry it before you put it back!" He scoffed as he walked back to the bathroom, doing a very poor job of hiding his muttered curses.

She regretted nothing though. Her legs couldn't be any silkier even if they were made of silk. Making a mental note to herself to buy men's razors from now on, she ignored it and continued on with her day. Levi always had these angry outbursts; he'd soon get over it.

* * *

He didn't get over it.

A sacred barrier had been breached and there was no way anyone could fix it. You don't just use Levi's personal stuff and expect to walk away scot-free – no matter _who_ you were.

If he wanted to get back at her, he had to get even, and that meant taking a bath.

Levi cracked his knuckles as he waited for the tub to fill up. He had gotten home and after seeing his razor in its stand, felt it was time to release some of his frustrations with a nice relaxing soak. Using his wife's fancy, precious and off-limits bath oils of course. Relax and get revenge at the same time, what better way to get two birds with one stone.

Well since he was having a bath he might as well go all out. Bring out her favourite bubble bath and scented candles!

…

When his wife got home, having picked up Noah from nursery and letting him run off to his room, she caught whiff of a familiar lavender and vanilla scent and instantly bolted up to the bathroom in a panic.

She prayed that is was just her mind and nose playing tricks on her, but it wasn't. Seeing Levi sitting there, leaning his head back, arms propped up at the sides with beads of condensation glistening on his visible body and frothy scented bubbles covering the rest, she couldn't help but want to cry.

"Tell me you didn't Levi!" she breathed, trying not to let the anger show.

Levi didn't even open his eyes or lean his head up; he just lifted his hand and tauntingly shook the empty bottle for her displeasure. He cocked open an eye to amuse at her suffering. She was livid.

"That's it. I'm getting in." She hurriedly tugged at the collar of her shirt.

"You get in and I pull the plug," Levi threatened, moving his hand dangerously close to the chain.

She froze with half her collar up to her chin. "You wouldn't dare," she warned as the two locked pierce gazes on each other.

"Try me."

There was a tense moment of silence in which neither of them moved an inch or even blinked, and when there was movement, it was so quick that it all looked like a blur.

Let's just say it ended with a very smug, bubble covered Levi, sitting in an empty bathtub and very angry, fully clothed and soaking wet wife, hell-bent on revenge.

* * *

The next morning, Noah woke to find his mother doing stretches in what he could have sworn was his father's clothes. He didn't want to ask her what she was up to; she looked busy and ran out the house before he had a chance to say a word.

…

The look on Levi's face when she asked him how he liked wearing someone else's sweat covered clothes was priceless. It more than made up for her gruelling early morning run.

Levi obviously retaliated back with striking force, but that only made her do it as well and they ended up in a vicious cycle of pranks.

By the end, they had each collected a mountain of precious belongings off the other as rewards for their evil doings, or just taken them for the sake of vengeance.

Levi had most of his wife's favourite CDs, books, hair and skin care products (now he had luxuriously soft and shiny hair to match his equally beautiful skin) and her favourite Levi jersey – well technically the last one was his, but he had given it to her years ago and now taken it back just to piss her. Not gentlemanly at all, but fuck it, this was war and there's no time for manners.

His wife on the other hand played it simple; she took away the cleaning products, and also used his loofah and was maybe wearing his cravats as hair accessories now. All of the things listed irritated Levi beyond belief, especially the cleaning products one.

How was he supposed to get rid of all the stains she was now purposefully making just to annoy him? It shouldn't be allowed, she had clearly done this on purpose, exploiting his weaknesses like that.

But he got his sweet revenge. He started speaking to her in only French. And. It. Was. _Beautiful_! She didn't understand a single word obviously, but French-mode Levi was impossible to be mad at and just plain irresistible. This frustrated her in more ways than one, and by the end of the week she had to wear earplugs to drown out his seductive and charming words. At least that's what she hoped he was saying he could have just been talking nonsense that sounded amazing to mess with her.

It was a torturous week.

* * *

When Levi reverted back to English, most of his clothes got confiscated as punishment. This is especially bad right as he's getting ready for work, when his wife came and took away his shirt.

"Give me my shirt back," Levi ordered.

"First give me my socks."

"These aren't your socks, these are mine."

"Do your socks happen to have pink penguins on the sole?"

"…."

"Oh shit. I didn't see that there. Then where are my socks?"

"On my feet"

"Well give them the fuck back!"

"Not until you apologise!"

"What are you doing?" Noah walked in looking as clueless and naïve as ever as he interrupted his bickering parents.

"Your daddy's being naughty so I'm taking away his stuff until he apologises," the woman stated, clutching onto Levi's shirt so he couldn't take it.

Noah climbed up on their bed, dragging along the stuff he had proudly bought along to show, "What did he do?"

'Being a big meanie' did not qualify as a valid answer, but the sheets of paper on Noah's lap distracted his mother long enough to not notice that.

Having suddenly realised something, she regretfully face palmed after seeing the child's drawings.

The thing is Noah had run out of paint, and he happened to find the perfect substitute when he searched in his parents' bedroom. Nobody had ever told him that his mother's makeup is not an alternative to paint, no matter how great they were for colouring portraits.

She cursed herself for not having seen it sooner; of course this would be her mischievous little child's doing. Why hadn't she guessed it sooner?

Levi, curious to know why his wife had suddenly turned quiet, walked up over Noah's shoulder to see the 'paintings'. He tried to hide that twitch of a smirk when he turned to glare at his wife.

"Well, don't you feel stupid now?"

She still refused to show her shamed face – after having started a feud and wrongfully accusing him, who could blame her?

Noah, oblivious to all, looked to his dad for answers about her unexpected behaviour. "Daddy what's wrong? Why's mummy crying?"

Assuring him that she wasn't, Levi sent the boy off, quietly planning to reward him later for unknowingly saving his ass.

"I think you owe me a damn good apology," he stated to the guilty woman, the slightest of arrogance laced in his words.

She will forever be in his debt and he intended to use that to its fullest potential.

"You can start by giving me my shirt back."

* * *

**Note: **I started writing the chapter where I introduced the wife character - it was SO hard and felt wrong that I just couldn't finish it. It's too hard to put a name and a face to her and I think it would be better to leave her as a blank character. That way, it's less weird for me to write and the reader can imagine her however THEY want.

I'm SO sorry if I've upset anyone, believe me I really didn't mean to. I've panicking about this but I think I'd be having too many OCs if I added her. If she's ever in the story it'll be like that *points up to the story*, so you can't see her.

Anyways, Penani19; thank you for the great request, sorry I couldn't do a better job. Like, there were SO many other plots I could have had, but my brain decided to not know any of them so I had to go with this. All the best of luck for college!


	16. Milestones

**A/N: **I hadn't updated in a while so I quickly wrote out this one which I was meant to write AGES ago.

* * *

**Milestones**

Levi isn't usually one to be caught sitting cross-legged on his carpeted floor, intently watching over his 10 month old son playing with his array of toys, wondering _how on earth_ the child finds amusement in a coloured wooden cube with a few letters drawn on the sides, and perhaps also wondering if this is the same reaction that he has with his vacuum cleaner, but he is today.

The boy sitting only a metre away from him was babbling away as he chewed on what was supposed to be his educational tool for learning. So far, Noah's 'learning' wasn't going very well, according to Levi. He may have slightly overestimated his son's abilities, hoping that he'd be a super genius by now, or something similar. He was thoroughly disappointed to hear that the child's habit of chewing on every piece of metal, plastic, wood, cloth and other inedible material around the house was perfectly normal. Yet the only thing he wouldn't chew would be his food. Typical!

It wasn't, and should never be '_normal'_ to stuff the front of a plastic car in your mouth and cover it in slobber. But apparently for babies it was.

And Noah was proving that right now by taunting Levi. He was purposefully staring him right in the eyes, opening up his toothy grin agonizingly slowly and smugly bringing the cursed toy into the destructive forces of his mouth to chomp away at the hard flesh. Little trickles of saliva would start flowing from the corner of his mouth and coat the hood of the plastic figure.

Although Levi's face seems to be that of a disgusted '_what is wrong you child!?_' it's not, rather it's a confused '_why must you be doing this...?_' look. Not many people would be able to tell the subtle differences in Levi's facial expressions, but Noah could. For his young age, he was very observant of his father, he knew more than he was letting on and he planned on keeping it that way.

Only the gentle coos, babbling of inhuman words and light slobbering munches filled the room as Levi continued to observe his son's typical playtime in mild disgust.

When the car fell to the floor and was picked up by Noah's pudgy hands to be placed back into his mouth, Levi had enough. It was one thing to chew on a germ covered object, but another to chew on a _twice_-germ covered object – not that he doubted the cleanliness of his carpets, he just didn't like the idea of something falling to the ground and being put into a mouth whether it was food or not.

He kneeled forward to take the hand out of Noah's mouth. "_Nooo_, we don't do that." Levi didn't know why his voice was suddenly so musical and child friendly; maybe being around a baby had started turning him soft, but once he realised he coughed to try and stop it.

"Don't put that in your mouth," he repeated in his normal voice.

The child didn't like having his car moved from him and whimpered, trying again to chew it as soon as his father retracted his hands.

"Stop." Levi commanded, again removing the trinket from Noah's mouth. It wasn't long before Noah's whimpers turned into cries and his prying hands battled Levi's to retake what rightfully belonged to him.

His sobs won him the victory and Levi gave up. "Fine, take it. But if you get ill don't blame me." Noah didn't feel like taking his car anymore, he preferred to stare at Levi instead.

The older thought he noticed a pattern. "You don't listen to a word I say do you?" Levi asked.

A brief silence passed them as they watched each other, and Levi was _absolutely_ certain that it was his eyes acting up or his imagination running wild when he thought he saw Noah shake his head. Surely the child didn't just answer him, _surely_. That would be ridiculous.

Thinking that his mind was probably playing tricks on him from his over exposure to the infant, Levi stood up to get a drink. Noah also decided to follow suit and tried standing up using Levi's legs to stabilise.

"I'm going to come back. You can stay here," he said, to which Noah obviously defied and indicated to be picked up.

_Urgh, this kid! _Levi mentally groaned.

The usually short walk to the kitchen was made infinitely longer by the child in Levi's arm who was grabbing away at his face and hair, either trying to make him blind or bald. The constant orders to stop did little to end the attacks.

It was a nightmare trying to open the fridge door when sharpened claws disguised as baby hands were scratching at his face. Only the faint sounds of footsteps coming down the stairs brought Levi the slightest bit of relief.

"Take him. Take him NOW." He growled to his wife, who had barely just entered the room.

Removing Noah from Levi's face was somewhat similar to ripping apart Velcro, except this was painful for one of the persons involved – the one rubbing his eye to check it was still intact.

"Aww, he likes you," she sang, bouncing the now perfectly innocent and giggling toddler in her arms.

Levi let out a well-earned relieved sigh and glared at her. "Don't give me that bullshit. He hates me and we both know it."

"Levi you're being silly, of course he doesn't hate you," she reassured.

He scoffed, obviously she would say that.

"You don't hate daddy do you Noah?" she asked the happily babbling baby.

Noah just continued humming which his mother interpreted as a 'No'.

"See, he doesn't."

Levi pulled out a chair and sat down, taking big gulps of water from the bottle he pulled out of the fridge. "Of course he does, why else would he not listen to a single thing I tell him."

"Maybe he's just being fussy."

"Tch, maybe he's just a brat," he quickly countered.

A small laugh interrupted the couple. "Brath–" the voice repeated.

Two pairs of eyes quickly shot to the source of the new sound.

Noah was oblivious to the gazes on him and continued to giggle as he played with his fingers.

"Did he just say 'brat'?" his shocked mother asked.

This shouldn't have surprised her seeing as Noah could talk…ish. He was perfectly fluent in his own language which no other being on earth would ever be able to understand, but this was the closest he had come to an _actual_ comprehensible word.

"Oh great," Levi groaned, palming his face. "Now he's going to learn to argue back with me."

"That is not the issue Levi. My son just said his first word and it was an _insult_!" His wife reminded.

She had been trying to get Noah to talk for months, even preparing to record the momentous occasion when her darling child said his adorable first word. A word that would bring tears to her eyes, maybe a 'mama' or 'you are the greatest mother a child could ever ask for and I love you' – perhaps she, too, was overestimating her baby's abilities. But no, none of that happened; instead she had to settle for 'brat'.

Levi really couldn't see the problem; he had much bigger things to worry about, like when Noah would learn to use the word 'No' – all hell would break loose.

"So? What's the big deal? It's not like he said fuck or shit," he indifferently replied.

"Shith–" And just to prove him wrong even more, Noah repeated it.

Levi didn't know whether he should feel guilty or laugh at this, running by his wife's reaction it would probably be better to avoid the latter. He was about to say something to try and 'help' the situation but was cut off before he could even open his mouth.

"Levi, don't say another word."

It was decided for the benefit of everyone that Levi be banned from talking near the baby, just to avoid any more of his bad influence from rubbing off. At least this proved Noah was listening to him though…

* * *

**More notes: **From Thursday next week (14th August) I have absolutely NO idea what will be happening in my life, whether I'll be really busy or have all the time in the world. I would like to apologise in advance if I don't update for a while after that time but that doesn't mean I won't check my messages or anything. Any requests, any comments, ANYTHING that ANYONE wants to say to me, I will read and try to reply to, or in the case of requests plan for future chapters.

Also Angelgirl1048: THANK YOU for your lovely comment. You have no idea how unbelievably happy I get to know that I've made someone smile. I feel honored to have made you feel the tiniest bit of happiness. Again, thank you.

That goes for every reviewer, you guys make my day when you tell me things and I love every single one of the things you say.


	17. In Utero

**I'm so sorry that I haven't updated in A MONTH! I have been super busy with having to get ready for University and I will continue to be busy cos I have to start soon too. ToT (crying my eyes out). I don't know when I'll have time to write again so you guys might not hear from me again for a while AND I'M SORRY! **

**I'm not very fond of this chapter... but I have nothing else ready and I don't want to make you all wait like 2 months or something. **

* * *

**In Utero**

"That's just stupid!"

"No it's not! Now are you going to do it or are you just going to stand there and argue with me!?"

As much as Levi loved getting his way and being in charge, there was no way in hell he was about to talk back to his pregnant, hormonal, emotionally unstable and just plain scary wife.

He had found her presumably talking to herself until she informed him that she was talking to the baby. A ridiculous sounding notion which he couldn't quite understand, but then again Levi knew very little about babies and pregnancies, so he just had to go along with it.

"Fine, I'll do it," he regrettably admitted.

"There's a good boy."

Levi doesn't appreciate being patronised, but again, he was **NOT** going to risk his life by arguing back with her. He just had to suck it up and hope the next two months go as quickly as possible with minimum to no damage inflicted on his ego.

He sighed and took his seat next to her, crossing his legs in his usual manner. "So how does this work, I just talk him?"

"Yup, babies can hear what's going on around them, so if you talk to him enough he'll be able to recognise your voice when he's born. How great is that?" she happily chirped, stroking her rounded stomach lovingly.

Levi was very skeptical about this and a little nervous; what exactly does a person say in these kinds of situations? He thought long and hard for a suitable conversation starter to have with a fetus and unfortunately nothing came to mind.

Should he say 'hi'? Has he ever even said that to another human before? What should he talk about? The baby can't reply so he'd basically be talking to himself…right?

His quiet fidgets and concentrated silence didn't go unnoticed by the Mrs who amuses at his awkwardness.

"You're over thinking this! You can say anything Levi."

"Just give me a minute."

She groaned but patiently waited for him.

Levi uncrossed his legs, preferring to lean on them with his elbows to allow for better thought circulation. Surely it shouldn't be this hard to think of something to say? BUT IT IS! He reached his hand over to rest on the outstretched skin of his wife's abdomen hoping it would spark some ideas.

'_Hello unborn child, are you comfortable in there?' No, that's terrible._

'_Hi!'….That's just fucking embarrassing._

_How the hell did she start it?_

Several long minutes of quiet flustering and internal debating later and still with no ideas, Levi decided it best to give up. Looking up at the clock though he found he had wasted almost an hour in which time his wife had gotten tired and fallen asleep. Now he couldn't even ask her for hints!

With his hand still pressed against her sleeping form he felt some movement under his grip. The visible stirrings in her stomach showed that the little man inside had woken up.

"Whoa. Somebody's lively today," Levi murmured as he stroked the bump hoping to soothe the child.

The more Levi kept his hand on the more he could feel the baby, even the little jerks he made. Levi didn't know why but he couldn't quite get rid of that ghost of a smile he had on his face.

He brought his head down to whisper quietly, assuming if his touches wouldn't calm the baby maybe his voice would.

"Hey, hey, it's alright," he hushed.

"We haven't gone anywhere so stop squirming already."

Being the stubborn fetus that he was he continued to rebel against Levi's wishes and kick back against his hand.

A stern look directed at the would-be position of the child does nothing to stop his rampant kicking. "You should let her sleep," Levi instructs.

"We won't be able to once _you're_ here with all your crying and screaming and shouting." It's a thought that makes him cringe.

"Please don't do that, that whole crying business. It's so frustrating. I know you can't help yourself, being a baby and all, but at least try. And while you're at it try not to ruin my house with your …messes." Levi had assumed that having a baby in the house meant everything would be covered in gooey stuff with walls scrawled in crayons and handprints. But then again, that's what stain removers were for.

"Well, whatever, just don't mess anything up. You'll be too young to clean but it wouldn't hurt to know the basics, that way you can apply them when you're older. You're not going anywhere so I'll teach you now. First, vacuuming, as with all cleaning it's the technique…."

Taking the golden opportunity given, Levi mindlessly began teaching his soon-to-be-born son all the dos and don'ts of life, as if the unborn child would remember not to do drugs or talk to strangers let alone the details of which dishes to wash first.

By the end of it, the baby's kicking's had almost stopped. One final nudge against Levi's cheek fully brought the man out of his daze only to make him realise that he was resting his head on the bump with his fingers idly tracing circles on it.

Levi stretched as he stood up, feeling content with his achievement of educating an unborn baby. "That was a lot easier than I thought actually," he claimed.

Indeed. It only took him an hour, an unconscious wife and some kicking to start the conversation. God knows how he was going speak to the boy once he was born.

"And another thing, don't think you're going to get away with kicking me in the face when your older young man."

* * *

**Levi and Noah, bonding since before he was born! **

**This is not enough to make up for my months absence! I don't want to rush the requests that I've been asked to write cos they deserve a lot better than that so I'm afraid I'm going to have to push it by asking those people to wait so I can do at least SOME justice to their stories.**

**Guest: I'm sorry I made you wait. Please forgive my tardiness and thank you for reading and liking my story. **

**As I've said, I'm going to be busy so who knows when I'll update again. But you can PM me, follow me on tumblr (I'll leave a link on my profile) and do that whole business, and I will gladly reply.**


	18. Little Chefs

**For Mooncloudpanther. **

* * *

**Little Chefs**

Well this is embarrassing.

Sitting on the steps in front of his house with his son between his lap and a blanket draped over the both of them was not exactly what Levi had planned for the day. Neither was the fire engine parked outside his home and the fire fighters inside trying to put out the disgrace that was his failed attempts at being romantic.

Soon another car came and parked up in front, except this was a familiar one, owned by none other than his wife.

As far as shocked expressions come, hers was pretty much the epitome of it, or anything related to the words 'unamused', 'WHAT THE _ACTUAL_ FUCK' or the simpler term 'surprised'.

"LEVI! What the hell happened!?" she almost screamed as she ran up to them.

Too ashamed to look at her let alone answer, Noah happily responded for them both.

"Me and daddy were cooking!"

A clamped hand around his mouth soon stopped the overly excited boy from saying anything further. This was after all not a happy or remotely enjoyable situation; his damn kitchen was on fire for crying out loud!

Levi woke up this morning, intending to plan his oh so beloved wife a special romantic dinner to celebrate their anniversary, because let's face it, even _he_ knew he sucked at being caring and affectionate. It sickened him, but he figured he'd give it a go at one point in his life before she got fed up and left him or something.

Thinking that the good graces had given him an infinite number of talents including incredible athleticism, an exquisite body, natural badassery, God-like skills in the bedroom, etcetera, etcetera, he figured cooking would be one of them too.

He probably could cook, but perhaps on a day when he didn't have help from his lovely assistant who happened to wreak havoc everywhere he went. Maybe Levi was to blame though being a fool and getting sucked in by those big puppy eyes when the child chirped 'Hey daddy, what you doing?'

It all went downhill from there.

'_I'm cooking your mum a special dinner for our anniversary.'_

'_What's an anniversary?'_

'_It's a day when something special happened years ago. Sort of like a birthday.'_

'_What happened today?'_

'… _Erm, let's just say it was the first day your mum and I hugged.' _

'_Aww, can I help?'_

'_Ergh fine, why not?' _

It was the BIGGEST MISTAKE OF HIS LIFE.

Sure, it had all gone fine to begin with. Both of them were ready; hands washed, sleeves rolled up, Levi with his apron on folded in half and tied around his waist, cos God forbid, if he had it on full length it would probably reach halfway down his shins.

At least one of them was ready and excited about this (the younger one, it's _always_ the younger one) as they began to wash and cut vegetables.

Noah read from the cookbook while Levi did all the cutting and preparation and _that_ was when the little guy saw the picture. It involved fire coming off a pan, a flambé to be exact, and Noah was **determined** he was going to see it.

'_Daddy, we __**have**__ to make this!'_

'_No.'_

It's surprising how easily he gives up with a child holding onto his leg, begging and promising to good for as long as he lives. A hard to believe statement in itself but Levi reluctantly agrees when he decides to make a practice run of the Crepes Suzettes.

Making them was great fun for Noah, getting to sift the flour and mix everything. Just from the involvement of flour, Levi noted never to let Noah cook again – the amount of flour that ended up on the floor and all over his clothes was enough to bake a separate cake.

The cooking of the crepes led to some very stylish and suave flipping moves on Levi's behalf. He owned the stage with his perfect, effortless throwing into the air and catching of the thin pancake, accompanied by Noah's rightful cheers.

Flambéing did not go… as well. The first try burnt and the second one caught the curtains on fire, and that one burnt too actually. Which is just as well, because Levi had tasted the first one and it was incredibly salty, Noah had clearly given the wrong white granules when he was asked for sugar.

It was doomed from the very beginning.

Soon enough the flames became too much for Levi to handle and he opted to let the professionals deal with it by calmly and coolly carrying Noah out of the house and calling the fire brigade.

Levi still saw this as a better attempt though than the previous microwave indecent back when Noah was born. Some jars just don't go in the microwave apparently, who knew?

* * *

"Did you blow up the microwave again?" Levi's wife was stern to ask.

"Was the first 3 times not enough?"

Levi wasn't happy at the ridiculous claim; it's not _his_ fault that microwaves are stupid and blow up in his face whenever he tries to use them! At least he had tried this time! "I'll have you know that I was trying to make you dinner for our anniversary today." Levi replied as a matter-of-factly, not appreciating the mentions of his past failures or the fact that she was overlooking his **hard** efforts to be nice.

"What anniversary?" she asked.

"Today's the first day you hugged!" Noah interrupted.

To save whatever precious innocence Noah had left, Levi made a simple eyebrow gesture and a certain meaningful stare to explain to her without the need for the phrase 'we totally did it.'

"You remember _THAT_ but not our _actual_ anniversary!"

"Of course," Levi shrugged. "And you don't know our actual anniversary either."

A light blush dusted her cheeks at the claim. "Yes I do! … It was some time in… June."

"November," Levi coldly stated back.

In a last attempt to divert the blame back to Levi she reminded him of the burning kitchen behind him.

"Alright, fine!" he gave up. "So I messed up, who cares? Let's just go out and eat. I'm hungry, and that salty burnt crepe tasted like shit."

Not wanting to spend another minute around his embarrassment, he hooked Noah over one arm and walked passed her to the car, muttering obscenities about stupid anniversaries along the way.

* * *

Anniversaries suck! At least he tried though. I'd like to think that Levi can cook but kitchen appliances would probably fail him leading to some major burning of stuff. he'd be an angry chef. And I can give you guys a looong list of things that I've accidentally tried and tested that will lead to exploded food or broken microwaves. THOSE THINGS ARE STUPID!

**Mooncloudpanther** thank you for the request, I hope it wasn't too horrible. Sorry I couldn't make Levi as sexy as we imagined him to be.


	19. Bad Timing

**Bad Timing**

A lot of strange noises were waking Noah up in the middle of the night. The passing cars in the distant roads, the occasional shuffling of his curtains when a light breeze blew past his slightly open window, that screeching cat down the road having a dying fit, and, of course, the most _unusual_ gasps and heavy breathing sounds coming from his parents room.

Too tired from looking out of his window observing the shrieking cat, Noah didn't have it in him to go and investigate the odd sounds. Instead he opted to stand on his bed, leaning his ear against the wall to listen to his mother's panting breaths and the quiet creaks made by the bedsprings when one of them moved.

As much as this mystery needed solving by a genius detective such as him, not today, he'll ask about it in the morning if he remembers. He was too sleepy to concentrate.

Back in the adults' bedroom a certain red-faced, forehead glistening with beads of sweat and barely clad woman was in the midst of a breathless whimper.

"Are you alright?" the also very bare man looking down at her asked. A stupid question really, one he clearly knew the answer to but he asked it anyway.

"Does it hurt?" The cringe on her face answered for her.

"Just take it slow ok," Levi insisted, moving slower to comfort her.

"I'll open the windows afterwards." She gratefully, wordlessly nodded.

He breathed a small laugh through his nose. "You're an idiot, you know that?" he questioned, to which her face reddened further.

"SHUT UP LEVI! Now is not a - " A gasp left her speechless and frantically clawing at the sheets as she tried to breathe. Using what little energy she had left she swatted at his bare arm while he tried to suppress his smirk. Now was not a good time to piss her off is what she was trying to say.

"Fine, I'm sorry I said anything," he quietly whispered, pressing a kiss to her burning cheek as apology. "Just calm down and relax, it will make it a lot easier."

She tried to take in deep breaths to ease the burning pain she felt coursing through her, body trembling nonstop.

Levi noticed her obvious discomfort and offered her relief from her current …_predicament_.

"Here, open your mouth. Try taking it again." He shifted to kneel in front of her, guiding the offending item into her open lips as much as she was reluctant to accept it after the failure the first time round. Another crinkled up expression in annoyance greeted him, with tear-stained eyes never leaving his cold, steely ones the entire time.

Holding her breath for as long as she could in a look of repulsion before she inevitably had to breathe, Levi stared down at her visibly calming features, asking if she liked it any better.

She nodded and replied yes, releasing the grip of her hand and mouth.

Levi took this opportunity to lean in painfully close to her, a slight smirk pulling at the corners of his lips as he observed her flushed face, now reddening for a completely different reason. The intimate position, so close to his gaze made her light-headed all over again. Damn he smells good.

"Which _idiot_," he toyed, dragging out each syllable, "has an _asthma_ _attack_ in the middle of sex?" He finished by lightly flicking her forehead.

Brow creasing in irritation, she abruptly pulled the covers over herself, knocking him over in the process to curl into a ball underneath.

"I KNEW YOU'D BE LIKE THAT!" she cried, pulling herself further into her cocoon of blankets to hide in her humiliation.

"You're so mean! Always making fun of me as if I can help it!? This time it was all your fault anyway." She pouted, irritated at herself more than anything for picking the worst possible time to have breathing problems. Her continued ramblings led to another bout of breathlessness, making her briefly come up to snatch the inhaler from Levi's hand to take another puff of her medicine before returning back to her fetal position.

Levi hesitantly lay down next to her balled up nest trying his best to be reassuring, but not really helping. "How was I supposed to know you were being serious? I thought _'I can't breathe'_ was a good thing in a situation like that."

She blocked her ears and continued to sulk, bringing her knees as far up to her chest as possible.

"You were making it sound like I was doing a pretty good job," he continued

Oh the humanity she repeated in her mind. Save me from this shame.

It may have been an embarrassing night, but everyone did learn something very valuable from it. Levi learnt that asthma is the ultimate mood breaker. His wife learnt to warn a man, _beforehand. _But the **_most_ **important lesson learnt that night was by Noah, who discovered that sleeping standing against the wall is not very comfortable, **at all**.

* * *

**Asthma is a serious issue people. It is a genuine fear of mine that some day, one of my crush will talk to me for the first time ever and I will flat-out asthma attack with not an inhaler in sight.**

***sigh* Anyways I just had to do this stupid one, the idea wouldn't leave me.**

**So that aside, I'm in the middle of writing like 3 more chapters but none of them look like they'll be ready by the end of tomorrow which is what I wanted to do cos after that I actually need to start preparing for life. But we'll see what I can do. if i can't do anymore then you'll have to look forward to a bombardment of chapters at some point when I find time, and who knows when that will be.**

**Thank you for everything you guys have done, I owe you so much more than my gratitude. *internet hugs and cookies for all!***


	20. How to Avoid Armageddon

**A/N: **I have a lot of explaining to do for my very long period of absence. Essentially, stuff happened and made me put things on hold or not do them at all and in that time so much changed. I have a new laptop, I didn't even realise some of my stories were on here but I found some drafts the other day and decided to upload a few because God knows I've been putting this off for a while. They're not the best things in the world by any means, but I needed to put something up so I could explain myself and get some closure for you guys and myself. We'll do that at the end though.

* * *

**How to avoid Armageddon**

It was a well-known fact that Levi had very noisy household members despite being a very reserved man himself. So it was a great surprise that when he got home from work – aka the noisiest time of the day – he found his house entirely quiet. Too quiet.

Where was the kid running up to jump at his leg? Where was the 'welcome home Levi'? Why was it so ominously silent?

Something didn't feel right to him. The air felt strange. It oozed a certain dark aura that he couldn't quite figure out. It almost felt as though some angry, disturbing force of evil had passed through the place. Cautiously, Levi walked over to the kitchen to set down his keys. A folded piece of paper laid waiting for him with the word 'Levi' written far too decoratively on it. He rolled his eyes and clicked his tongue. What was the need for such extravagance on a note? Then he remembered that not everyone had chicken-scratch handwriting like he did. He was a busy man; he didn't have time to make his writing look like elaborate calligraphy.

He opened the note and began reading the similarly intricate handwriting inside.

_Dear Levi,_

_I've left you! I've taken Noah and we've gone to my mother's house._

Levi almost buckled over the chair's legs stumbling to sit down. He felt his chest compress and ceased to breathe. He didn't understand what was happening. He was so confused, he doesn't remember doing anything to upset her – recently. Nothing that could cause such drastic actions as leaving him at least.

Releasing his anxieties with an audible sigh, he continued to read.

_Long story short, there were some crayons involved when I was washing your white work clothes and some shrinking when I tried rewashing them. Basically I've ruined all your clothes and have decided to go into hiding and avoid you rather than face your wrath and inevitable grumpiness. I've brought Noah with me so you can have some peace and quiet by yourself; some time to reflect, maybe calm down, and have a burial for your jeans. Whatever you want. Just know that we all make mistakes, myself included, that I love you and you should forgive me._

_We'll be back when things cool down._

_P.S. Noah's written a letter for you._

_To Daddy_

_Sory I pot crayons in yur pocket and mad them melt all over yur cloz. I drew yu a pikchur of mummys face wen she opend the wacheen macheen and skreemd to chee yo up._

_I luv you lotz nd will sea u wen we get home. Bi_

_Lov Noah_

Only after finishing the note did he realise the black bin liner by the door, stuffed with what he presumed would be his destroyed clothes. He decided to look inside after a moment of internal debate and the sinking feeling of his soul at the miserable sight made him think it was a good idea that they chose to avoid him in this time of grief.

* * *

A/N: In a way, this is the end. I didn't think I'd get so far as to even start writing stories/drabbles but this is like the 20th chapter? That's definitely more than I ever thought I'd get to. And I cannot thank you enough for reading and for all the really lovely things you say, because it is the greatest feeling in the world for me when someone so much as opens one of these chapters. I hope you all had a really great Christmas/ life up until now and continue to do so for all time. I did write a Christmas chapter for this but it is so terrible that I'm too ashamed to look at it. I have one more finished chapter to upload before I part ways indefinitely, because who knows I could end up finishing the rest of the drabbles I started some day a month or a year from now.

Thank you all so very much and farewell.


	21. Innocence Lost

**A/N:** I don't think there's a more highly requested story than that of Noah asking Levi where babies come from. This is the chapter that gave me the most trouble and sleepless nights. I'm not happy with it, Levi seems OOC and the idea had so much potential but I'm at a loss for inspiration.

* * *

**Innocence Lost**

The first time that Noah had asked Levi where babies come from, a very long and awkward silence ensued in which Levi had disturbing flashbacks of the day Noah was born. He should not have tried to be brave and look directly at the 'miracle of birth'. Instead he should have guessed from the crying, the screaming and the insanely tight grip his wife had on his arm that it would not be a pretty sight down there. So traumatised by memory was he that Levi completely forgot Noah was waiting for an answer until a tug at his leg drew his attention.

He could only gulp what little moisture he had in his mouth to relieve his suddenly dry throat and utter five wise words. 'You don't want to know'.

Unfortunately for Levi, Noah didn't take heed of this warning, rather he forgot about the topic until his friend, Michael, announced that he was going to have a baby sister.

The disappointment that Noah felt after realising his lack of understanding in the baby department made him seek out the renowned wisdom of his father, once again, to finally get to the bottom of things. Determined to come out of that room with more knowledge than he had gone in with, Noah bravely knocked on the door of his parent's room and sauntered in.

"Daddy, how do you make a baby? Michael says he's getting a baby sister soon and I want one too. How do I get one?"

It had taken a week for Levi to recover from the trauma of the last time they had this conversation. He had hoped it would remain the _last_ time, but apparently the world had other plans for him.

To Levi's trained ears 'how to make a baby' was a different question to 'where babies come from'. It was a question he could much easily describe with the use of visual aids from the closest objects available to him at the time, which happened to be from his stationary holder. What proceeded was a two minute, graphic and entirely misleading interpretation of sexual intercourse to a four year old using a pencil and sharpener to represent human anatomy.

It was a miracle that Noah took away any form of knowledge from Levi's explanation, which he most certainly did as his amazement in stationary would suggest. When his mother questioned his constant sharpening of pencils, he replied that he was making a baby sibling as his father's description had implied.

It is immoral to want to hurt your husband for teaching your child crude, inappropriate and, quite frankly, an incorrect and violent interpretation of sex just to explain how babies were made. This is the mantra that Levi's wife had to repeat to herself in order to remain calm. She was a patient woman. Even as she dragged around a disgruntled Levi by the hand, while carrying a balloon in her other to the child she had told to wait patiently in his room.

Levi had been informed of what she would be doing and was told to refrain from adding commentary, but as she stuffed the balloon under his shirt he couldn't help ask why _he_ had been given the role of pregnant woman.

"Because you're terrible at explaining things and are honoured with the job of being my beautiful assistant, who I recall promised not to talk during this presentation" she had remarked. Levi made no further attempts to protest, instead he let his wife explain – in a much too simple by his standard – account of where babies came from.

Noah was sorely disappointed to have clarified that he could not make his own sibling and would have to wait several decades and until marriage before he even thought about making his own baby. But he thanked God for his mother and mothers everywhere. If it weren't for them, people like Levi would be traumatizing generations of children with their demonstration of the reproductive system using pencils and sharpeners. Amen.

* * *

A/N: It feels really good to tick this one off the list. I know there are a few more that people requested which I started work on but am still struggling to finish. If and when I do, I'll try to put them up. For now this is as far as I can go. Thank you for staying this long, don't forget you can still PM me anytime if you'd like an ear to listen.


End file.
